a new beginning

Moving Day

2010-09-22T16:29:00.002+08:00

yup, I moved. With a new URL. But this blog shall remain, until I have no further use for it. If you need me until then, I'll be at:

betonthismoment.tumblr.com

2010-09-22T14:49:00.002+08:00

Somebody buy me some candy necklaces? I'll love you for life cuz I love the feeling when people give jewellery as gifts. Mixed with my childhood love of biting anything around my face area - necklaces, my lips, my hair. It's like the best feeling in the world.

2010-09-21T22:03:00.003+08:00

YOU TRY BLEEDING OUT OF YOUR VAG FOR ABOUT 7 DAYS WHILE DEALING WITH THE
FOLLOWING:

•Cramps that make you want to rip out your ovaries.
•Not
being able to get comfortable at night no matter how you lay.
•Craving
random shit you don’t have.
•Not having the random shit you’re craving.
•Crying for unexplainable reasons.
•Feeling like an impregnated cow with
a gut.
•NO SEX, you can, but that’s gross.
•More than likely no oral,
ew..redwings.
•feeling like you are being stabbed to death with a fucking
machete or samurai sword repeatedly.
•Crying.
•Worry about leaking
through whatever you’re wearing
•Ruining cute ass underwear with unforgiving
blood spots.
•THINKING you’re done with your period,take out weapon
(tampon/pad), 5 minutes later you check, not done, not at all.
•Uncomfortable swimming experiences.
•Annoyance level increases about
1283717463%
•You will yell at people you love.
•Having to piss every 13
minutes.
•Farting like a fucking obese redneck father.
•Wanting to eat
everything in sight.
•Craving chocolate so bad you start yelling it like the
psycho fish from Spongebob.
•Getting offensive and self conscious over every
remark directed toward you.
•Lots of crying.

And of course the
descision to shove a wad of cotton up your cooch or basically wear a
diaper.

Found this on some random tumblr blog. Couldn't have said it better.

moving on, planning to try out the red lips look after Os too. suits the kind of eyes I like to do, with a fair bit of practice of course. red lips and red hair...gotta lose my tan fast.

exams are over! but I still have more in a month's time :(

F.Y.I

2010-09-20T21:33:00.004+08:00

ya.

I kinda haven't forgotten about that night yet. 5th september. Kind of a hard night to forget. But you know what's strange? nothing much has changed between us. Neither good nor bad. Its kind of like nothing ever happened. Which is partially because of Os, but also because of...I dunno. I really don't know.

But you're probably the only one who still reads my blog. I don't really care who reads my blog anymore. I just type what I feel like typing, with neccessary restraints, of course. But I do REALLY like that you read my blog :)

It's like a way of me being able to tell you stuff I don't dare say to your face. YES, I'm a big chicken *cluck* so ya, this is just an FYI.

I never stop thinking about these things

2010-09-15T14:00:00.003+08:00

I remember playing in these kinds of places everywhere in england. The playground at chipping hill school. My backyard, my friends backyards, my grandparents backyard. Around the village area where my grandparents stay. Abandoned in forest or someplace...probably in the public playgrounds at those woody places where you go for excursions. I still remember the delightfully musky smell of moist wood inside it. And running away when I saw a spider in the corner

I need a tumblr.

2010-09-14T18:58:00.002+08:00

Things to do (so that I can finally be me again) after Os are over

Finish reading "Land of the Living"
Read "The Dark River"(after 5 years of waiting)
Read "The Golden City" and finally allow the Fourth Realm series to R.I.P in my shelf of good books
Sleepover at girlfriends houses in a totally night-time wonderland kinda feel(like the picture above)
Dye my hair red(like the other picture above), but not THAT bright. Probably along this line? or this? This is too bright for my skin tone.
Makeover my room. Make it vintage and random and like I walked into a scrapbook(ok that was spontaneous.) Been trying to find a word for that kinda look for so long...and scrapbook just popped into my head SUH-WEET!

Ok, so the first colour is more brown than red, just a shade lighter than the picture will do. It isn't spontaneous. I've been planning this for YEARS. And red really highlights curls. and waves and such \m/ but probably after prom because it won't really go with the theme.

2010-09-13T19:28:00.002+08:00

Ok, a quick one before I revise my history and chemistry for tomorrow's test.

I think that the circle of friends I have are awesome. Not just any of my friends, but those I'm close to and actually go to for advice and "secret-keeping". They don't judge, not at all. Sure, they will say their opinion, loud and clear, but they accept yours even if it differs from their own. We're so open with each other because we know that we won't bitch or gossip about one another behind our backs. We aren't superficial. When I ask about guy matters, they'll always tell me "you're being paranoid/superficial. What matters is the heart". They bring me back down to earth when I lose sight of the big picture.

On that note, I don't care whether you're super hot or cute. I don't care that we're worlds apart. I don't care that maybe people may criticise me or laugh at me behind my back. I don't care. Because whose to say what's good or bad? Who actually "sets the standards"? If they think they do, they're wrong. THERE ARE NO STANDARDS. All of that is a lump of bull.

I love my life

2010-09-08T11:34:00.002+08:00

yesterday was my birthday. It was perfect. I had no birthday cake because my family forgot, but it didn't change the fact that it was perfect. why?

My 9year old brother gave me the sweetest present. He made a cake-shaped card and placed it on my table, on top of that was his phone, so when I woke up, I saw them on the table and the phone was set to play a video of him wishing me happy birthday. AWWW♥
I got birthday wishes from 80+ people by the time it hit 2pm(plus/minus) on faceook alone
My classmates wished me happy birthday when I went for chemistry remedial.
I treated myself to a hershey's cookies and cream bar, which I haven't touched in YEARS
My best friend Kaori, gave me the most awesome gift, and card! LOVE YA BABE!!!♥
Sitting and talking with Kaori and Fatin at macs is awesome! LOVE YA BOTH(AGAIN)♥
My mum gave me awesome green earstuds, which she said were expensive. Gonna wear it as my lucky charm to exams.
I wore the two shirts given to me by cherie's mum and brother as birthday gifts.
I had fish&co. seafood platter, which satisfied my curiostiy for how good it tasted(not as great as tortillas or pasta).
I had fish&co sharkie freeze, which was so awesome because it had passionfruit!♥
I went birthday window shopping because I didn't want to impulse buy anything that my mum offered to buy me, especially those awesome shoes. it made me feel selfless.
I had starbucks caramel frappe(coffee-based of course), which is my personal celebration drink
I was greeted when I got home by more birthday wishes. Including _ ♥
I could not stay awake(I would collapse if I stood up) but made sure I did so I could comment on and like every facebook birthday wish. It made me feel awesome inside.
My lucky number has always been 7. Yesterday I celebrated that number because I turned 17, on the 7th, at 7pm(yes, I was born at 7pm).

I didn't have a birthday-ish birthday, but that's what made it awesome. Because it was different from my typical birthday routine.

2010-09-06T17:32:00.003+08:00

It's my last day as a 16year old. Somehow, it feels more sinificant than when I turned 16, but I guess I always say that. Anyway, today I am smiling. Not in reality, but from the bottom of my heart, I am. Partially because you told me to smile, partially because I want to smile

The icing on the cake.
The cherry on top.
The last bullet in the corpse.
The most epic moment of the night.

All words to describe that phonecall. I couldn't have said it better, except that it was the only thing that made the day special.

How I wish to get back on my skates again. I want to feel the wind in my hair. like nothing else matters except that rush when I ride my skates. the curving the sliding the weaving the spinning, and the simple thrill of going fast and just riding. I miss it all

2010-08-12T21:05:00.003+08:00

Ok, before I go and study, I thought I'd just pen this down somewhere so that I never let myself forget:

Today, I felt like crying. I was really on the brink of crying so many times. Maths, geog, etc. Not because I was hurt or anything, well not directly at least. But because I knew I had to say something. I knew it was coming. And I was dead afraid of how hurtful it could have turned out for the receiving party. Luckily, that 'receiving party' is someone who really doesnt let things bring them down so easily, and accepts things as they are(most of the time).

That's why this person is such a great, special friend to me. I'll never forget them, ever. Because when someone is that important to you and has made such a huge impact on your life, you refuse to forget it. Even though that person may not always be right infront of you, right behind you or right beside you every step of the way. You know, they're there, somewhere in the crowd, beaming with pride that you met them, and the met you.

Now I know I was meant to continue down this path...alone. For now, this is my
journey, solely for my eyes, my ears and my soul to behold. You may not be
beside me, walking this path with me, arm-in-arm. But I know that you're there,
in the background cheering me on. And it doesnt take that much for me to hear
your call, and to see your smile, if I turn back for just a second to take that
reassuring glance.

I'm sorry, I just get very philosophical when I'm happy. And this is like inspiration for my next compo, right here. Today really has ended on a good note :)

HELP

2010-08-11T17:48:00.002+08:00

hey, dude. If you're reading this, which I know you probably are, if not one of your friends are, then I want you to know this. Most of what I'm saying now, in previous post or what, is merely what I'm feeling and thinking at any one point in time. If it's bringing your hopes up only to bring them crashing down and then back up again, I feel your pain dude. really. I don't know what to think. I don't knw what to say. I don't want to look at you, cuz I'm dead afraid that I'll do something wrong, or embarrass you or myself.

I'm honestly at a loss here. I don't know where to go from here, or what to do. All I know how to do right now is to work hard at my studies and YOG commitments. But then, I can't just set this aside like it's nothing. It.is.not.

help me a bit. lend me a helping hand. ease my mind, just a bit

GO AWAY PLEASE

2010-08-10T20:53:00.002+08:00

Ok, some of my questions/doubts were answered today.
but, like, why now? you mean you couldnt wait until end of Os?! You should have either told me like so much earlier than this, or until after Os...NO COMPROMISE! Now it's like 1 month until prelims. I should be STUDYING

NOT worrying about stuff like this which would only distract me. I already have enough to worry about, what with YOG coming in 2weeks and I'm struggling to get my script right. If you're gonna help me with that, I'm more than happy with you saying whatever you want to say to me. But if you're going to say all of that, and just leave me hanging, like I'm just a toy that you pick out as and when you like, then in a way, it really hurts and makes me think that you don't really mean what you say.

Maybe I should do that too. Forget about you unti the end of Os. Forget what you said. But I won't. Cuz I'm not like you. I'm not like guys. Until you can prove me wrong, I'm not going to take your word for it. Not 100% anyways.

perfectly imperfect

2010-08-09T22:43:00.003+08:00

you may not be 'hot'
you may not be skinny with 6pack abs.
you may not have 'manners'
you may not be 6foot 3
you may not have the face of a korean superstar
you may not be what a girl typically looks for
you're far from perfect
you make snarky comments about everyone
you're really rude and loud
you eat like a pig(I have pictures to prove it)
you make horror movies into comedies(a la the happening)
you are the biggest joker I've ever met
but somehow that just don't matter to me.

1 year 6 months ago, you said something that made me continue down this road, alone.
1 year 6 months later and here you call me to look back.
but the thing is, this is a one way road, no turning back. What do you expect me to do?
Whenever I try to picture what things would be like if they hadn't turned out that way, something tells me "don't! just continue moving on like you had been doin before".

But then, what if I look at it this way...
All that time, we had gone down 'different paths' after that incident. And now fate, as corny and cheesy as it sounds, his brought the fork in the road back together, if that makes any sense.

And then my mind drifts back to the idea of "what if it is just crossroads, and we meet, but not for long?"

It's a total paradox. Am I willin to take that risk?

2010-08-09T10:46:00.002+08:00

song of the day: outta my head - Ashlee Simpson
emotions: fucking complicated

I'm turning really vulgar nowaday. But don't judge me, I just have an abnormal amount of stuff to vent on and let out. seriously. I think by the end of Os I won't be so vulgar anymore.

Reason for song choice? Someone/something, is making my emotions run wild and my organisational skills go haywire. seriously. This is like a dream come true, but at the same time, I JUST WANT YOU OUTTA MY HEAD! How can this become so complicated?! It's just you...YOU! And I'm totally torn between two scenarios that are running through my head. I even dreamt about it last night! HELLO...You've travelled into my sub-conscious. Even though it wasn't exactly you in the dream. BUT STILL! Haizzz....I'm angry cuz I'm confused. I got over you, and now you say this to me. It makes things so fucking complicated, both good or bad.

I hope I don't run/puke/embarrass myself by bumping into a pole or something when I see you, if I see you, on wednesday. I guess time will tell. I'll work hard for Os. That's all I want now. This shit should be left until the end of Os. ciao.

PS. I'm not angry at you, I'm confused and angry at myself. I could never be angry at you.

16years and 11 months gone

2010-08-07T18:26:00.002+08:00

Its 1 month away from my birthday, and It just so happens that this idea popped into my head. I've been throwing it around for a long time and I finally decided on something. For my birthday, since I haven't been able to properly and respectfully celebrate anyone's birthday this year, I shall celebrate everyone's birthday on my birthday. It won't be anything big. There probably won't be any physical celebration at all because:

I'm nowhere near rich. I'm even sacrificing a cake(maybe) and presents from my family this year
A vast majority of my friend would be preparing for Prelims instead.

So one thing I know I will do, is to bake special giant personalised cookies for people, who shall remain undisclosed, to show my appreciation with them.I want to bake a giant cake too. And share it with all my friends. But that's risky since I've never done that before!

On other stories, yesterday was the 1st time I'd truly hung out with anyone in ages. I don't know why everyone says that the movie salt, which I watched with the 2G gang yesterday, is confusing. I could pretty much guess almst any plotline in the movie before it happened, and not like a few seconds before, but like 5+mins prior to the actual part of the plot. I find it good for those that like bourne identity, which is what cherie's dad compared it to.

Btw, I went out to celebrate teck wee's birthday if anyone's curious. So happy birthday teck wee! You definitely aren't the typical 'cool guy', but you're definitely one of the most real, honest and kind guys that I've ever met. And you are definitely very strong(mentally), courageous and polite. Hanging out is within our circle of friends is always a delight

2010-07-25T21:19:00.002+08:00

Kaori Miranda Yoshikawa!!!

Read this and know that I love you to the death. We've been best friends for 7/8 frickin years! No way will I ever let anything to you! anything and I'll make a fantastic 4 team with your mum, kriz and fatin!

and never forget what we talked about today!!! this won't be the last time we meet up before Os, I promise!!!

I LOVE YOU MY WONDERFUL BABE

(I am not les)

Closer to the Edge

2010-07-24T13:39:00.005+08:00

Remember when we were sec 1? We came into the school, separated from our friends that we'd been with in primary school, with no way to survive except trying to fit in and be 'cool'. I still remember all the short skirts, shoelaces weaved in our shirts, plenty of variations of dyed hair, and not to mention fringes that covered half of your face. The bitch-fits and catfights were no less common, with cliques making up and breaking up all over the place. Gossip and rumors about everything and everyone ran rampant all year round.

I have to admit, even I was a victim of some of these 'fads' or 'phases'. Stuff like storter skirts, lower socks, fringes let down, and most of all, the conflict. But hey, that's a way of life. You have to wait out the storm, before you see a rainbow in the sky. Sometimes you don't even realise it's there. Sec 1, for me, was filled mostly with conflict, and that dreaded fringe. Sec2? Stronger friendships, but more conflicts, and more influences. Sec 3...A TON of conflicts, I was influenced like crazy and was hit with a ton of rumors.

All thanks to the people who made my life smile this year.

Hey, look at us now! Our batch, class of 2010, has grown so much. Now we don't care if we have our hair pinned up with all our pimply forheads showing. We don't care if we have the most reasonably lengthed skirts in school. If we look like nerds, we look like nerds together. We go down with style and dignity. Cuz this is when I realise - we are who we are, we're awesome just because we're us. And just because we had our photo taken for the last time, and our prom details have been revealed to the entire school, does not mean that this is the end of our legacy.

Sec 4 is probably the most memorable year of all. I've built stronger bonds than ever before, and maintained old ones. I've become more confident of myself, and more trusting towards others. I've become more mature, self-disciplined, and independant, than I ever thought I was. As well as more motivated to strive for perfection

2010-07-17T23:01:00.003+08:00

I still havent done anything today, and I don't think I will. I just need a rest, and embrace the wierd and the wonderful side of my dreams. Maybe then my head would clear.

Life really feels horrid right now, I've been waiting at this fork in the road for so long now, just waiting for someone to pick me up, for me to look up at that person, with their hand outstretched, and know that whatever path they take, is the path I go down. Somehow, I've yet to find that person, whoever they may be. Maybe I'll look up, as I sit by the side of the road, and see myself, 20years down the road....who knows.

But until then, life really feels horrid, leaving a hollow section of my soul

2010-07-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

Today was totally unproductive. Should've just headed to pool with all the other classmates.

All I did was 1.5hrs of chem lectures(including my embarrassing answers being displayed to the whole class) and off to the library for an hour of barely focusing on my work. I think the weather really brought me down. I went on to sleep for a good 3-6hrs...WOW.

I feel like crap today. My shoulder is toally horribly painful.

Oh, and I'm starting to really miss my friends. Like simply talking over the phone just wont cut it anymore. I feel so isolated. I really need to be in the presence of people, just for a little while. Not to tal about our deepest darkest feelings, but just enjoy each others company...

2010-07-16T21:41:00.003+08:00

I kinda feel more motivated to blog now that I found time to change to a more relevant blogskin and all. It totally describes how I feel and what I'm like right now - living the simple life, simple clothes, yet bright happy colours, the colours that make me smile. I don't know if you know this, but I love clear blue skies on sunny day, even more so when there's a hint of pure white fluffy clouds. And rainbows too. and rainy days(when I'm feeling sad or slightly nostalgic). They make me smile and relieve my stress. I even have this friendship band which I wear whenever I go out(except school). It's my rainbow on a string, that makes me smile even when it's not sunny.

That's what attracted me to this skin. I'm facing so much stress these days, and since I started this blog, it has always been the one place I go to if I want to find happiness. So...a happy skin means a happy blog. And yeah, I don't go out at all other than for studying nowadays so I don't really wear as many accessories and make-up and fancy clothes like I used to. There's just no point. So likewise for my blog. Nothing too special, but extravagant enough to express myself

oh, and you see that box up there, linking to formspring? yeah, leave a comment/tag my blog there. It also opens to my formspring page.

2010-07-15T20:39:00.002+08:00

Been sick for like the past week. It really sucks, when u wish u had more time to self-revise, then when you finally have that time, you're too busy coughing your lungs out and coughing up phlegm every 5seconds for you to be able to concentrate on your work.

But I'm better now, thanks to the awesomely strong and effective medicine the doctor gave me.

Damn I have to be at school early tomorow so that I can finish my Amaths class test before Amaths lesson. T.T Why did I have to go and leave it in school? Being sick and stay at home S.U.C.K.S

I feel so lazy that I'm rambling now, instead of reading my History textbook. This is how bored I am. I wish I could go to the library. I wish more people read my blog, I wish for so many things, but I'm still grateful for what I have. I'm not a spoilt brat. I don't DEMAND for thing.

ok, I'm really rambling now, I should go, I'm starting to sound angry, which I'm not.

2010-06-21T17:58:00.004+08:00

ok, so u, J, I know you're reading this.

our constant talking has finally gotten to me...

1st msn, then sms, the calls(though not many) I hated it when u got so clingy, I kinda still do.I suspected something was fishy the way u talked to me, that presence I felt when you talk to me, the things u said to me. I wish I could read your mind, cuz, even though I kinda know the answer, I gotta "hear it from the horse's mouth". You're like the most mysterious thing I've ever come across, and it makes me want to learn more.

You've always been ready, by my side, no matter what I've said to you. But, I just want to know for sure, what the words between the lines were. You really are one of my closest, truest, most sincere confidantes. And yet there's still something about you that I can't put my finger on.

I've read mystery books for years since I was a kid. Now I have a real one right infront of me...A wonderful mystery indeed...J_s.

Things to do now that exams are over

2010-05-16T23:13:00.002+08:00

friends
1)bake cookies for all sec 4 classmates/ex-classmates
2)spend quality time with people, and not just watch movies
3)if someone is mean, don't be meaner, just be nicer

family
1)be good to my family no matter what
2)be more introverted, so as to create less trouble
3)argue less, trust more

studies
1)continue regular studying, even when there are no tests/exams/lessons
2)make it my top priority
3)enjoy it

myself(mentally)
1)let go of unneccessary grudges
2)spend less time at parties, and more time relaxing
3)don't allow yourself to do anything thing with friends that you don't feel like doing

myself(materialistically)
1)boyfriend blazer
2)jewellery
3)skull cap

2010-04-25T19:30:00.002+08:00

I'm finally blogging after Eons...=.=

anyway, I'm finally feeling the stress of MYEs. How do I know? Bcuz I'm actually REGULARLY using toner..WOW. If you're me, which you aren't, you'd know that I become a super huge, can't stand one spec of dirt of hair out of place, clean freak. And I usually don't do anything more than regularly washing my face bcuz I'm too goddamn lazy to do so.

I feel like cutting a long taylor swift-ish fringe by myself, but I'm also resisting. I know the only reason I wanna do it is cuz it'll be fun, like how Britney Spears shaved her head. Oh gosh...I'M INSANE AND I'M RAMBLING.

I'm starting to dislike teachers like Mr Vincent Tan and Mdm Sonia Yeo more and more everyday, all thanks to their hypocrisy and inability to handle what they dish out on others.

1)Mdm Yeo FORCED students to 'volunteer' be part of a performance by an outside group with such enjoyment and glee, like when a child is given a new play toy. but when the tables were turned on her, she instantaneously turned from a beaming ray of sunshine , to some bull, about explode into a chare of raging fury. She actually began grabbing and pulling at student to go up, and scolding them for not doing so. But she's not the first. Yet teachers who are like this always still expect us to be 'role models' when they themselves refuse to.

2)Mr Tan told us that we should not study by paper(for maths and A. maths) but by topic. yet I don't see why he should give us such a big pile of papers to complete on top of our other subject topic papers and revision, until we are UNABLE to find time to 'properly' study for our maths tests...

oh, and to make up for the lack of birthday presents for everyone, at the end of this term, I plan to make giant cookies with msgs on them for all my friends from both my classes. and special people that I love, but arent in any class with... :)

2010-03-19T22:31:00.002+08:00

Taken "Where the sun shines" and where my heart is always lifted high into the sky. It's a very fitting post to my lightened mood. I feel much better than I did in the previous post. Maybe a holiday was just what I needed, even though it wasn't that much of a holiday. The pictures below are my life in pics, over the span of the past month.

1)camwhoring at the place "Where the sun shines" with liyana and kaori, 2 of the most awesome crazy people in the universe.

It was so stress relieving to spend the day with them before studying.

2)Camwhoring with trishu during mother tongue.

I can't imagine how different it would be when we no longer have mother toungue together after our last truncated lessons this year. She's always been someone I can rely on, she's one of those I trust the most in my life.

3) Sara's Sweet Sixteen

This awesome hilarious adorable girl was part of the most wonderful class on earth(2G'08). She's so popular that around 50 people were at her party. However, 2G'08 people still held that bond, and hung out together most of the time, despite currently having our own classes.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY girl! Sorry for the belated present, I'm like really flat broke right now...

I also went out with marcus, liangyi, jasmine and ben tan, but I'm too lazy to upload the pics. talk about it more when I do!!!

We'll dig a deep hole, to bury the castle

2010-03-10T22:25:00.003+08:00

This blog is slowly dying. It's not dead yet, but its slowly dying. I just don't have the time or energy anymore.

I started this blog to remind myself of the happy times in my life, to date and record them down. Occassionally, I would have that emo/moody/angry post, but that was rare, and I would always add at least 1 positive point to each negative post.

I used to blog every day, or every few days at least, but that's just getting too hard to keep up with and the timeframes between my blogposts are getting larger.

Also, I still haven't found that balance in my life yet. Seems the only place in mylife that I feel happy right now is netball, and the occassional heart-to-heart talks with friends. I usually HATE and LOATHE and DESPISE my netball side of life, excluding the netballers themselves, and there's close to nobody that I trust enough to speak to about issues close to the heart, but that all seems to be changing.

As for everything else in my life, it seems to fit into a numb area in my mind, body and soul right now. going home with friends? meh. getting A1 in Chemistry? meh. passing Amaths(rare)? meh. Even getting 3rd in netball today, it means alot to me, and I feel god darn proud of it, but if u were to ask me to express that pride in words, I'll give u that MEH face. It's the wrong word, but there's nothing to really fill its gap.

Its a weird feeling, cuz...meh...is what I would use when there's no other alt. a neutral meaning, a default word, when no replacements can be found. I doesn't apply for the people around me though, cuz I'm still able to miss them, and love them, and call them awesome. My face still lights up when I speak of them, with total pride and clarity, about how these people are truly the best people that could ever surround u within 1 lifetime.

However, there's still that emptiness when I talk about everything else, when I think abt everything else. Maybe I need to do things by myself for a change. But until then, I won't be able to log on to here and say stuff like "today's outing was awesome and fun" or sth like tht.

Thus, this blog is slowly dying

2010-02-07T21:05:00.002+08:00

I finally got back my motivation to study(although I'm slacking now)

but as a result, I lost the inspition to write(on this blog and to all of u at least)

I lost my inspiration to tell stories, through my photos

My creative spirit's dying inside!

The very essence of my flame is quickly fading into darkness...

What's happening to me?

I need someone/something new in my life...

something that will chane all of this...

this cycle of events...

I don't want that me to come back!

I fadin into the abyss...

2009-12-31T22:23:00.005+08:00

Time Check: 10.23pm

As I spend my final one and a half hours of 2009, I look back on everything. I will no leave it in the past, as it has truly changed my life. However, I will close the book on this year, without forgetting the truly life-changing lessons deep inside of it.

Now, I would like to list out my biggest and most fond memories of 2009(in random order)

1)2G'08 chalet-> It was perfect timing. We truly have grown closer! So much has changed, since sec 1&2 cohort camps when we were still separated, to an extent, by gender, to today when NOTHING separates us. I took hardly any photos, but I will still picture those perfect moments. When we cycled in that big group, and I couldn't get enough of the adrenaline rush. When I roasted marshmellows with the guys, and it ended with cheewai's marshmellow that tasted so good! Debating midnight movies with you guys. Cheewai, Maurice, Cherie and I in cahoots to scare the girls. 15+ people sleeping in that small room, sqeezed together, regardless of who you are.

2)EOY&Cosfest09->I met a ton of great friends, both new and old. I no longer look at cosplays the most when I go to events. Instead, I look for friends, true friends, those who mean the world to me. No matter how terrible the event itself and the venue may be.

3)The 3 days I took to celebrate my birthday->So any tears, but so many laughs too, these 3 days were the pinnacle of my year. The point that confirmed I needed to change my old ways. ECP with ex-classmates, Flyer with family, crying as soon as I reach netball training, Fish&Co. with presenters.

4)Friends travelling to and fro overseas, permanently->Shinyeong came back from Korea(for holiday here) and brought 6Olympism back together. Betty, the laughter of our class, left for Canada. I love that the images I captured didn't go to waste when we made that picture board for her.

5)April fools day-> The 1st day people saw me in my cast and sling. They didn't believe it. but I got it playing inline hockey, one of my favoorite sports. I also ended up going for physiotherapy, which made me wish to become a speech therapist.

6)The week I read Tuesdays with Morrie-> The contents of that book changed my life forever. I will never forget it.

7)All the sports presentation related events, meetings, auditions and camps-> From this, I gained confidence and knew that it wasn't just acting that I wanted to do when I grew up. Of course, this will continue until next year.

8)Choices Program, and my skating performances->They forged strong friendships between me and many others, what's more, I love skating! The adrenaline is truly never enough. Where I learnt to slalom, do a 360 degree spin, jump, etc. When me, syafiqah and nazurah skated to paya lebar! SCREWED UP PRODUCTIONS!!!

9)The day Kaori & I sat there and did almost nothing->We made a pact, that we would ONLY bring friends there, never a single bf. We'd seen and felt what it was like to go somewhere with someone you love, and to never be able to go there again because it hurt your bestfriend. That place is perfect for thinking, reflecting, letting go of all your stress, so we made that pact, as best friends.

Thank You, so much, 2009
R.I.P

2009-12-17T20:36:00.002+08:00

You know what? Looking back on the year that passed so quickly, everything has changed so much!

I lost friends, but for a reason. I gained friends that I swear I will treasure for the rest of my life, and believe we were brought together for a reason. I built a stronger bond with existing friends, and loosened ties with others, all for a purpose.

Family wise, we've never been closer, or at least more stable. I feel my days of depression and blaming myself for those past events that happened 6years ago can finally be left alone. For the first time ever, since those events, I have faith that I wont have a nervous breakdown regarding family matters. It's amazing that I'm saying this 6months after I lay in my room literally shaking in fear and distress with all my closest, friends messaging me, worried sick, trying to calm me down.

On myself alone, I've grown so much as an individual. I learnt what can break me, what makes me stronger. I know more of what I'm passionate about, and how passionate I am, the number of times I broke down because of the passion I had for certain things. I matured, definitely. That's the best way I can describe it.

There are certain people I feel need to know this on a more personal level, people I'm not close to, yet I still care about. If I could tell you one thing, it's that you should never regret your life so far, or give up on yourself, because, at some point, no matter how impossible it feels to continue living, it will get better. I've been there, more than once. I know what it's like, and yet I'm here, better than ever. What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger? I'm telling you, even if it kills you, you'll come back twice the person you once were. So please, for yourself, don't give up, otherwise you'll never know what your future could be like.

There are so many things I wish to say to so many people, yet I dont know how to say it.

oh!!! regarding the choices I made this year, I have something to say about one of the biggest:

I was confused, about the two of you. the one I suspected liked me, and the one that I liked. I knew I couldnt have both, but that choice killed me. Kaori told me "you have to choose, otherwise it won't get better. It's one or the other." So I chose. I chose my friends, family and career. I realised neither of you were right for my heart, yet. If it was a choice between both of you, I would choose neither. The best choice of the year.

J, I know your reading this, so you should know who the first guy is refering to...
you were still an important part of my life this year

Hakuna Matata - What a WONDERFUL day!

2009-12-15T23:47:00.002+08:00

Yes, today was a wonderful day! It wasn't the happiest, but definitely wonderful!

Ok, Cherie randomly called me to go to her hse for lunch at around 2pm. So I rushed all my chores and arrived there around 3pm, for a late lunch. hmm, sushi, japanese rice and Kimichi soup...the good stuff! We(me, Cherie and her bro Chester) ended up watching Mamma Mia! with screwed up subtitles, like majorly screwed up to the extent that when the title appeared, the subtitles said it as "mama's mummy". EPIC!!!

So ya, me, cherie, chester and their mum all got caught up in really, really nice conversations abt relatively similar, yet somehow different topics. The very first thing that Cherie's mum said in reference with these...topics, changed my entire ideaology regarding a certain something almost instantaneously. You could say that she changed my mind faster than anyone or anything has ever managed to in my entire life. She didn't change me in a bad way though.

What I have to say about it is, I will no longer hide or lie abt this. I've always done what I've done, thus far, to run from the shadows and the darkness that I've been afraid of and hated. The truth is, my lies and hiding dragged me further into those shadows, because lying is such a dark, dark thing. And when you hide from something, or hide something in particular, you try to make it/yourself, go as unnoticed as possible, and the best way to do that, as any logically thinking person would agree, is to stay in the shadows. Therefore, I shall no longer hide, I shall no longer lie, I shall just...run. I'll run towards my dreams and never look back.

I also had a nice heart to heart talk with my mum while at parkway today as a follow-up on the same topic. That, whenever it happens, is always the highlight of my day, since its such a rarity btween the two of us, yet when it happens, there never seems to be any awkward moments.

*sighs*I guess this is the end of this post, time for the much unwanted netball training tomorrow

2009-12-04T10:58:00.002+08:00

heys...

head's throbbing like mad...ever since I woke up, which I was kinda reluctant to do since my head's throbbing so bad...T.T

I wish I could sleep for 12yrs. Sadly, I was supposed to have netball today so my body clock's set to wake me up before 8am...which, frankly, sucks. Now I just waiting for the time to pass to the point where I have to get outta the house and head for my class outing. GOSH, I'm so stoned.

So, I guess, since everything else hurts my head, I'll upload overdue pics of outings to TM and Kaori's hse and Joycelyn's bday

2009-11-23T21:29:00.002+08:00

yesterday was fantastic!!!(ashame yatavee had her camp and couldnt make it)

but anw, I went for a movie/walkabout/lunch with Kaori and her friends lydia and Jem...crazy ppl I swear! Ran into NAZ...which was even more awesome!!! and so we had lunch which we couldnt finish cuz we couldnt stop laughing =.= what didnt help was that when Naz came...she and her friends and my friends were all like "do I know u? you look familiar! but I've never seen u before!!! or have I?! I HAVE...UR FROM [insert place/event]" lol, the craziness.

So we packed our fries, looked at wacky sunglasses and me and Kaori told Lydia and Jem abt the sunglasses project, which I have more to tell u abt later. Watching christmas carol in 3D also got us talking abt it more...cuz of the 3D glasses.

Afterwards, when me and Kaori were waiting to go to her hse, we started talking, and wandering, and ended up at this place which was totally gorgeous and perfect for thinking. I wont tell u where it is cuz its special...why? we made a pact that it'll be for friends, and friends only. So that it'll never be a place of heartbreak...it'll be a place where we can just sit and relax and not wry abt the memories of the past haunting us. ^.^

OH, we headed to her hse(finally) and there we had her mum's keish and played wii with kazuya and jia en...SUPER FUN OMG!!!

ok, the sunglasses project. right now, I shall disclose it as project LALAPALOOZA(not sure if its spelt correct) and its gonna put smiles on many faces ^.^

HEEHEE.

P.S. shall upload the pics another time...too exhausted now

2009-11-14T13:05:00.002+08:00

gosh, after using maurice's camera yesterday, I caught an even bigger photography bug than I alr have!!! I don't even seem to care that I'm neglecting my precious rollerblades!!! Gotta get round to asking dad for his DSLR.

another thing I can't wait for...22 OCT!!!
Gonna be a crazy day of fun and laughter. the long awaited outing with my darling friends, Kao and Yatavee, first time our schedules have EVER been free on the same day, first time I've seen yatavee in like 3yrs!!! Miss tht crazy hyper ever-cheery girl!

I need an outing with my 2G peeps!
cherie, andrew, jordan, xm, sara, cm, ethel, TEK WEE, Jian Hao, Chee Wai, Wen Kai, and practically everyone from that damn class! Like, the more I talk to them before truncated, after truncated, during recesses, for those few mins when we're not busy with truncated-related stuff is when I truly realise how much I truly miss ALL of them. Miss all of us sitting together before we part ways everyday for extra classes, when we camped at videoworld talking abt the good ol' days, HOP, the long bus rides home. I miss EVERYTHING!!

2009-11-12T23:03:00.002+08:00

ok, tht's it, I've had enough.
As soon as I leave secondary school, I'm gonna dye my haireither fiery red, or orange...no joke. It's like the perfect colour for my hair type AND personality!!!

And I'm DYING just waiting to get my dad's old DSLR! He said if I want one now then he might as well get a new one since I will e concentrating on my 'O' lvls more than my photography next year. Of course I still want it, esp for cosplay events so I can be that one step closer to being considered a proper cosplay photographer and NOT just some poser with acompact camera that hardly hold the same amount of quality.

Oh and I saw Syahidah and amira in seventeen today when cherie bought it....awesome! Was just a small feature about different body sizes though...BUT STILL!!! haha, kk, relax.

kays, gotta finish phy, oh how I hate that subject, even if I am good at it.

2009-11-10T22:27:00.003+08:00

A Syuhaidah Photography original

hey guys,

Can only blog for about 3mins efore I gotta finish up my A maths and Physics homework. WAIT!!! Scratch that, make it "start" not "finish", because I am damn imba and forgot about my physics and procrastinated on my A maths. Thanks XM for reminding me today.

The most fun today as probably talking to Veena in between SS breaks and going home with Ethel, Jesselyn and XM. Tons of laughs and some heart-to-heart discussions.

Oh look, I'm 2mins past deadline :x

2009-11-08T20:01:00.002+08:00

Mum's not looking at us.
I guess she has a right not to.
I mean, we didn't do the dishes, it's OUR fault.

To those of you out there who think its so petty and no big deal:
I'm guessing you're the kind who either
1)has a maid
2)has a mother who's a housewise
3)are a single child
4)a sibling who is much older and more mature than you with NO other siblings
5)all/more than one of the above

Well, I'm not, and there are many others who aren't either.
Thus, we have to put up a strong front and be independant, yet stand up for and help our family.
That's what my mum is so angry about.
you other people will never understand that.

So I did the dishes.
Hafiz couldn't care less as always(not that I don't have those moments).
After doing about half(which was alot) mum asked me to stop.

When you do good things, u get good things in return.

but mum still won't look at us.

On a side note,
talked to Kaori on and off for the whole day.
I think, no matter what your decision, I'm proud of you

Also,
I figured out something - why bad things always happen to great people.
It is an outlet to show the world what you're capable of.
It is a way of showing the world, the skeptics,
"look, this is who I am. Nothing will bring me down"
It is a time to show those who don't believe in you,
your resolve, your commitment, your undying determination.

peace out ^.^

2009-11-07T22:30:00.007+08:00

Ok, so I kinda owe it to myself and u readers to blog abt my halloween weekend, since I said I would. so here they are

Friday

hehe, faizah and ridzuan BQ-ing for us in the rain xD

Sunday

don't they look like such a wonderful couple?!

forgive me, I didnt zoom out.

as Mark would say: "just think of the camera as your best friend"

naturally, I followed, and decided to say Hi to this one

observe...a Faustina when it's scared!

2009-11-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

ok, I'm like last to update(out of me, kaori and faustina) as usual...yet I have the most to update!

oks, starting with last weekend, are pics from sentosa. will be uploading more n facebook.

next, rocket launching/field trip(what day was tht?). fun to the max!!! so many pics, again, on facebook, mostly. but shall post the few best here...all copyrighted by me.

then skip to friday...halloween party/last day of proper school.
went with Deepa to eatz culture, had pumpkin cke and chatted. I can never get bored of chatting with her, she's so fun, love her!

after tht went to buy my costume with an unexpected run in with my mum, so asked her for advice. FREE TAXI RIDE HOME! got ready with my mum's help(my personal style advisor) then left the house for the party, which I ended up being one of the earliest for, despite being late(the irony).

so me, faustina, anisa, brenda and one of their friends whose name I've forgotten went to the super market...IN OUR AWESOME COSTUMES...to get the party food. Anisa actually managed to scare 3 ppl until they cried! WTF IMBA!!!

party was great!!! got to know so may new people, and I lovedlovedloved my bloody mary costume which I pulled off with only $20 and 2hrs. It's such a small world! Ridzuan's sister is y junior and shaleen is in netball like me...NYAHAHAHAHA...WOW!

ok, now for today.
went out with my two longest friend tht I miss so darn bloody mary much...FAUSTINA AND KAORI!!! *SQUEELS* watched my sister's keeper, the first movie that I ever cried for in a cinema. afer that went window shopping, where fuz DID NOT buy anything *clapclaps* I'm so proud of her! had heart to heart talks, camwhored, and fulfullied my icecream/fro-yo craving

ps. I cant seem to upload pics, will update this post soon

2009-10-26T23:31:00.007+08:00

Love the 3 of you to bits!!!

2009-10-26T23:01:00.002+08:00

ok, weekends have been great.

last weekend was jordan's birthday party plus prep.
this weekend, I found out from Dad how to make my meringues cook more evenly.
maybe I can change my recipe in time for Halloween.

ok, this Friday, there was the Sports Presenters: Presented event that I've been heavily publicising. WHEE! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!

had a blast with the usual people and more. Most of the fun happened backstage if you ask me.
Remember when we danced to boom boom pow with the MCs and changed the lyrics?
Remember all those 'in the spur of the moment' pictures we took?
Remember when we deliberately bollywood danced in the background during thse interviews?

I danced so much that day!!!

Oh, what's most awesome was who was there! The people who mean the world to me, whether you saw me perform or not, it still meant the world. It was the most satisfying thing to see your faces in the crowd, and hear your voices, see your texts, your concern, your well wishes.I couldn't have asked for anything more, especially you two for tolerating being 1ft from each other. you know who you are

thank you:
1)grandparents
2)parents
3)jude&shawn, my baby blood brothers
4)Jordan&Andrew, my baby 'brothers'
5)cherie&sara&xiang min, my baby 'sisters'
6)faustina&kaori, the girls I miss shitloads

ok, so before the event, was fooling around in subway, then before I knew it, I was putting mascara on Akif xD. Of course, barbara saw what I was doing and proudly announced "I put eyeliner on my boyfriend and he looked REALLLY gay!". so we made Akif do these gay poses too. HAHAHAHA

next day went to sentosa with dad, jude, hafiz, shawn, natalie and grandparents. Was very fun, caught quite a few Kodak moments, but that's one great thing about sentosa. At the end of the day me, dad, jude, hafiz, shawn and natalie went to Carls Jr for dinner. Cant believe I finished the huge portions and super spicy chilli there...AWESOMENESS.

Next day was an outing with the same people minus Natalie and Shawn. Got a 501st legion shirt from dad, awesome. We headed to the marina barrage, which wasnt really interesting except for the scaled down models and super cooling garden roof. I swear the view is gorgeous minus all the construction. So yeah, forgot to bring my camera, which sucked cuz I could've had so much fun.

tmr, there'll be learning journey, which may be a good photography moment

[pics to be uploaded in a separate post]

2009-10-20T21:01:00.002+08:00

YOZ!!!

OK, from today until friday, I have alot of stuff to handle.
So, I will make good use of my blog to post this special message on behalf of the Youth Olympic Games Sports Presenters

click to enlarge

PS. I lied, I'm still confused, I just dont know how to face you

2009-10-18T22:44:00.002+08:00

came back from lunch>baking>dinner with Cherie and Andrew at cherie's house.

Today was totally awesome!!!
First time I totally created my own cookies recipe and meringue recipe
Somehow, it still tasted wonderfully awesome!!!
Couldn't have been so wonderful w/o these 2+Cherie's mum&maid pitching in to help
basically the entire family helped out.

cookies
1st batch: chocolate chip cinnamon cookies
totally awesome cinnamon pounding by Andrew
totally awesome result(fave batch)

2nd batch: giant Cinnamon cookie
another awesome creation.
wonderful artistic meringue writing and border by me and Cherie respectively

3rd batch: chocolate cinnamon cookies
awesome, but since I'm not a chocolate fan, its not my fave
less sweet, which suited others' tastebuds better

4th batch: giant chocolate cinammon cookie
smothered it to icing and put it as a layer under batch 2
[the icing looked like mucus, but gave me a super sugar rush]

meringues
1st batch: White and green meringues of diff shapes
probably the most messy, yet the most fun
we made stuff from hearts, to teardrops, to just plain giant lumps.

2nd batch: Pink/brown teardrop meringues
Andrew's time for his mass production skills to shine...heehee.
I managed to use the techniques that I'd learnt from cooking shows

3rd batch: pink letter('S', 'C' and 'A') meringues
these kinda failed cuz I was just using the remains.
Andrew's 'A' was especially ruined
I over-estimated the amount we had, so his was esp thin and small
the 'A' was so burnt we threw it away T.T

Oh, the meringues were so awesome
sososo awesome. we broke the manual whisk in the process...
then fixed it back...
then broke it...
In the end I ran home to get my electric whisk, which finally gave us our desired product.
the test? if u invert the bowl, the contents wont fall out.
Since I was the only one allowed to whisk, I was also the test dummy.
Lucky for me, the test was successful and I began inverting it over everyone's head.
hahas, I took pics too!!!

so yup, that was the wonderful baking day at cherie's house

2009-10-14T23:09:00.002+08:00

hey, so my yearly dose of exams, tests and whatnot is finally over...PHEW!

Although I now that doesn't mean I can relax, I'm still super relieved. I can finally get back on my skates, behind my camera and doing what helps me chill(at least for a short while). If I get good results for my exmas, those 7hrs of studying per day would've really paid off.

I still have to practice for the Youth Olmppic Games Sports Presenters: Presented event which, btw, will be happening on 23rd october at 4pm. Can't to do the skating/biking performance with Faroz.

I've also got to come up with my topic for public speaking on the day before. was thinking of doing it on Ris Low, the falling standard of 'good english' in singapore, and whether these people should be allowed to represent Singapore on an International stage.

Hmm, I missed the 2G outing today, sucks. but I'm saving money and my life is really too fast-paced at the moment. I need some time to take it easy and enjoy the scenery. Haven't done that in ages. Lets hope I will be relaxed in time for my shopping outing with the girls.

I guess that's it in my life right now...
ciao

2009-09-27T00:53:00.002+08:00

check this out...

This is Vik Foxx, drummer within the band "the veronicas".
I've been a fan of his for a long time for his awesome drumming style, visually.
yes, he doesnt produce the best beats like tht of muse's drummer for example, but he makes tours and videos a blast to watch when he catches your eye with his awesome twirls and spins tht he pulls off at almost every beat. To be able to do a cross-over, underarm and around the head immediately after tht is just even more reason to watch.

Don't know what I'm talking abt? check out the video.

Within the video, he makes mistakes, but he makes up for them.

mistake #1 - he throws his drumstick high in the air at a part where no drumming is required. However, he fails to catch tht drumstick, so he instantly and smoothly pulls out another one from beside him and continues playing.

mistake #2 - he throws his drumstick only a lil higher than the drum set. He fails to catch it again, but shows no embarrassment but instead 'renacting the catching as if to show his frustration with himself, yet still remaining cool.

what showmanship

The drummer I idolise

2009-09-19T12:27:00.008+08:00

belated pics from when I went to kaori's hse to help veronice bake for teachers day

group pic, me, kaori, nick

our 'lovely' mess in the oven

more of it

nick and kaori watching veronice stir

our failed attempts at separating the egg yolk and white

more mess

more cakes

me eating my shit shaped cookie

haha, COUSINS!!!

Kaori said I was the 1st to be obsessed with her light

SHIT!!!

the guilty pleasure of keeping Kaori's lays all to myself

hehe, veron hard at work

our 3rd batch of cookies

hehe, yumyum

the 3 girls, me, kao, veron. courtesy of nick

"this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S"~

our 2nd batch of cookies

our 1st batch of cookies(before baking)

cooking mamas

ultimate cooking mama

our crazy mess

Kaori's wonderful egg yolk

ok, so that was our day of baking. happened long ago, but was so much fun.

The reason I'm posting this now is cuz I , like Kaori, really love my friends way more than having a relationship. Although I may not be as extreme as her. I reallyreally, esp now, feel the need to cherish them. They're the bestest ppl in the world, and I think I would go crazy without them, esp kaori, faustina, nazurah, cherie, andrew. my bestest friends in the entire world - THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING ILYASM!

Yesterday, went to Parkway Parade with Andrew to get cherie's present. went all over the place but I think we found the perfect one. Ran into 3generations of TKP netballers there: my senior, eileen, Catherine my batch's captain, and my juniors Hui Yi, Linda, Swie Yang, Wenna. so cool.

We went to subway for a late lunch break and gosh did we go crazy. not forgetting the fact that I chose a place right under the aircon.

After our lunch break we couldn't find what we wanted so we headed to Tampines Mall. Found EXACTLY what we wanted at the 1st shop that we went into...AWESOME! I think it's gonna be the best bday present cherie's gonna get this yr, but I think I'm just biased

2009-09-12T21:11:00.002+08:00

I think I asked for too much food on my plate.

- "presenters presented!" training
- YOG SP meetings
- preparation for EOY
- preparation for 'O' lvls
- Homework
- Netball
- EOY cosplay(last before hiatus)
- Me time
- Family time
- Friends time(YOG, TKSS, TKP, cosplay)

Goodness.
Oh well, most of these opportunities are too good to pass up
Some could change my life and career forever.
A few need urgent reparations
One I should have never chosen in the first place.
None are any that I should quit
All require me to sort ot my priorities ASAP.

For now(until start of november), what's important is 1, 3, 5, 6, 9.

...wish me luck...

2009-09-11T17:41:00.011+08:00

1st day

2009-09-11T16:21:00.002+08:00

ok, I call them the three days of celebration.

these were from monday to wednesday and they are so named because these were the days when when I celebrated and 'celebrated' my birthday. I won't go into the 'celebration' part, because it'll just end in massive "why????"s and "OMG! ARE YOU OKAAAAAY?! :0"s and tht sorta thing, which...really...isn't my thing AT ALL. Since it'll be much neater, I'll put my pics in a separate post

monday

Had a 'surprise' sweet 16, organised by cherie, andrew and jordan: the best brothers and sister in the entire world. Originally when I woke up that day I wasnt supposed to go cuz I couldnt stand up(sick). Then later I felt better, met naz to recieve my present and birthday wishes, then headed down to East Coast Park. xuetin, meiling, renee, belinda, jianhao, pengyu, teck wee, aaron, chee wai and the party planners were waiting for me. Wonderful gifts received. Afterward we had a hyped up, all-out game of frisbee, boys vs. girls which was sososo much fun.

Of course, my stomach ache had to come back sometime, and it did when we were playing with the frisbee, so cherie and I decided to take a break to get snack from 7 eleven, which was when we ran into the one...THE ONLY...UTT!!!! Haha. We got to take pics with him and he even wished me happy birthday.

at some point jesselyn, sara, maurice, juvena and jared came. We eventally went to the bowling alley played a game, then cut the gorgeous cake made by the wondeful p.planners. Gosh, more domo-kun! and it was a real sugary treat, sickeningly good.

After that played truth or dare by the sea then slowly ppl went back. me, andrew, maurice, juvena, renee, jess, JH, CW and forgot who else went to BK to have dinner and ask random qns. It was also when I annouced that utt, daniel radcliffe, and robert pattinson were my boyfriends.
*winks*

best party ever!

Tuesday

Netball

was...interesting. Thx sec3s, parveen, liyana, meiying and yi ying for everything. oh and band(those tht I spoke to) for the indirect mood lifter

went to the Singapore flyer with family. was a really addictive experience. Very fun. Good change of scenery for practicing my photography. never done aerial shots before, which too some time to perfect. At the end of the day, I think I got a few cool shots.

Wednesday

headed to the YOG learning centre for sports presenters' briefing at 6.30. We're gonna be 'unveiled' to the media on 23rd october, so we had to organise a presentation of our talents such as an organising commitee, emcees a dance troup, cheerleaders, singers and miscellaneous uncommon talents. I signed on as a solo act, showcasing my inline skating stunts. prob just do simple around the cone stuff, jumping, 360s and such.

after the briefing, headed to fish&co @ ion orchard for dinner at around 9pm with julius, bob , firdaus, nadirah, mansoor, ysabel, evia, stephanie, jody, cleo, kenneth, chuen, haishah and god knows who else.

I happened to have gone 2 days after my birthday so everybody had a 10% discount, I got a free scoop of ice cream and had to stand on a chair holding sparklers infront of everyone while the employees sang this birthday rap, and my fellow YOG SPs sang the bday song. So fun! kinda embarrassing, totally unforgettable. later rushed home with ysabel and nadirah and that was the end of my three days of celebration

ps. pics and vids in next post

2009-09-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

...hmmm...no wonder why I havent been blogging, or what's more, uploading photos recently.
everytime I login to blogger, I the 'upload pics' button is missing.
ok, checklist of events tht I must upload:

-fuzzy's bday party
-2g prawning outing(1&2)
-cosfest
-NDP pics
-after exams outing
-betty's farewell
-baking at kao's house
-parkway with krizhen, fuzzy and kao
-slacking w/ kao at my hse
-prize presentation day

wow...so many events
gonna have pics spam for sure tmr.

ok, so this week what happened?

saturday
Had chem lesson.
Got traumatised during chem cuz I didnt close the airhole properly and the flame came out through both ends. I just dropped the test tube filled with silver nitrate, and sodium hydroxide and what not and I didnt even react to it one bit. I just stoned there for like 5secs then said to yichong(my lab partner)/myself "quickquick, turn it off" and all tht ran through my mind was "It's all happening again!".

It was all a rather silent reaction on my behalf though cuz I was more 'frozen in fear' instead of "AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!". The I was so traumatised/scared was cuz at the end of P3, hot oil got poured all over my hand, causing the whole 1st layer of skin to come off. I still have the scar and was afraid of flames until sec1/2 around there. then when I saw that flame, all the fear came back, which caused me to shake uncontrollably and not listen for the rest of the chem lesson.

After that went to Kaori's house with veronice and her to bake cookies for teachers day. GOSH! Havent seen Kaori since last year, and I miss her to bits. With the amount of stuff we needed to tell each other, there was no other way except going out w her. I tell u, putting me, kaori and veronice together in the same room is not a good idea, esp when baking. We are such hyper, random, crazy ppl. u know our 2nd(out of 6) batch of cookies required cocoa powder, which made it the same colour as shit. So I made shit with it. then I randomly made a FAILED banana. hahaha. and as soon as tht happened, Hollaback girl by Gwen Stefanni played on the radio!!! and whenever they sang "this shit is bananas!" we would point to those cookies! ROFL HAHAHHAHAHAH!!!

Later nicholas came over and we gossiped/bitched/heart-to-heart talk with him. THE WAY HE TASTES FOOD IS SOSOSO ADORABLE AND SPASTIC!. One of the hyper-est days of my life.

sunday
baked more cookies with jude tht day. We didnt get to make as much cuz I started rather late, but it was fun anyway. dunno why the batter came out diff LOL.

monday
Teachers day celebrations. Retarded cheongmin and sherlyn keep having inflatable ball war, and me and xm keep getting caught in the crossfire. Then me and Vivian were also laughing at ______ and ____ and other stuff.

after tht went to tkp meet fuzzy. went with ml, xm, cm, tm, jh, py, sara, and alotta others. but actually, meiling's the only one who's from tkp cuz the rest all wanted to go for the 50cent bandung tht ml told them abt=.= after tht tw randomly came in and we were all like "TW, U FROM TKP AH?!!!!" lol*facepalm*

I tell u, nvr look for teachers on teachers day. they all go back really fast so in the end me and fuzzy went to parkway to find kri and kao. gosh, another bunch of crazy ppl. Line of the day "Wait, you forgot the moment! This is [insert name] that ur talking to!".
There were emo moments of course. which makes me want to say:

-I'm so sorry, kaori!
-___, I dunno what's up with you lately. Ever since I told u that, you've been avoiding me. Gosh! You really are one of a kind...=.=

ok, anw, ya...crazy ppl indeed

tuesday
Kaori came to my house, more craziness.
she was outside my mum's room. When she saw my cat, she thought it was a toy but then Jill moved and she screamed cuz she thought it was ALIVE! ROFL.

The weather sucked...ruined our moods, but we still had so much fun!

wednesday
prize presentation day
was sosososo fun! dun mind doing it next year since the stress of creating the script is eliminated. I learnt that emcees have to be prepared to cover up fr the mistakes of thers, which I screwed up in big time. luckily benjamin and hui yi were backstage to cool me down, and benjamin as my other emcee rocks!

Amaths was surprisingly fun! haha.

thursday
netball was okok. was FINALLY shooter again. feels GOOOOOOD xD
I think I sprained my hand from the psh-ups and endurance at the end, cuz the next day my hand hurt like shit!!!

friday
blablabla
normal day, my hear-my-say got cut short, so gonna do it again. had photo-taking(netball) for school mag. had to wait till 4.20 fo our turn so I went to vidworld w ml, andrew, jordan and cherie, then to 4c classroom then canteen with ethel and selena.

eventually, naz, nara, stella, olivia came then we had the photo-taking. It was shit-ass fun I tell u!!!

dianara(sp?):haha, she so cute!(refering to sth tht I did)
me: =.=, call me anything but cute
nazurah & dianara: haha
stella(didnt hear convo): SO CUTE!
3 OF US: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

for the rest of the day, we would always comment on sth by saying 'cute' then burst out laughing. rockin junior and senior. Then, during the photoshoot:

Mr Anwar: give me that look...
me(in a sicker way): give me that look...
netballers: hahahah!
Mr Anwar: wow, netballers, not bad uh?

-some time later-

Mr Anwar: tilt your head this way, you'll feel more free...
me(in a sicker way): tilt your head this way, you'll feel more free...
netballers: hahahah!
Nazurah: Stop quoting mr anwar lah!

lol, love netballers...

wow, this was such a wordy post...sry bear with me! oh wait, u dont need to anymore, cuz I'm done. tmr I promise I'll have a major pic spam

2009-08-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

crap...

I hate how blogger's acting up...once again...sucks big time, but that's not the point of me blogging.

I came to update on the wonders of exam week, both sarcastic and non-sarcastic.

1)the process of taking the exams

In general, my studying was more fruitful than for previous exams. As a result, I was MUCH less stressed out and panicky than I usually am. Except, I'm really pissed off regarding one thing.

On the tuesday after national day, I came back to class and the first thing that happened was marcus came up to me asking if I've seen his books. So, I checked under my table, and there weren't any but then I realised half the books that I keep under my table were missing. Very soon after that I found them in the table next to mine, which was very strange since I never, nor have I ever needed to do that. Me being me however, I brushed it off in an instant but didnt realise that my social studies book was missing until the next lesson.

Knowing how careless I am, I dismissed it again thinking that it must be at home. When I checked at home on the weekend b4 my ss paper, I realised it was nowhere to be found and that's when I started panicking. all my resources for studying right up to the O lvls r in that book. What made things worse was that when I went to buy a new book, all the popular branches I went to were out of stock. Although Andrew was kind enough to take the time to scan pages for me to study, it was far from enough since its merely on the computer.

The next day, I could barely do half the paper due to lack of knowledge. What's worse is Its not my fault, yet I'm the ONLY ONE who's going to suffer...in silence. Then, two days after the paper, a 3F girl(you know who you are) enters the class by the back door and passes one of my classmates 3 social studies textbooks. Of course, I choose to believe that they're not mine. But the next morning two of them appear on my table. I check the contents of one and see my signature overly highlighted words and doodled pics. I check the other and it belongs to new guy Xin Wei.

I immediately lose my temper and rant to vivian and sherlyn(who were very tolerant, thanks guys) about how pissed I am that I'm frced to suffer from other peoples selfish actions. I just want to ask you, whoever took it. and the girl who returned it:

Did you take my book or were you given it by one of my classmates? If so, who? If you borrowed it for some lesson, you'e sec 3. you should at least know that I'll need that book for exams and have to study. I'M TAKING THE SAME EXAMS AS YOU GOD DAMMIT. You think your class/you are the only one taking the exam? think again. I don't hold the belief that you were trying to sabotage me by taking my book specifically, I just think you should be punished for your selfish actions. Oh and if the situatin is that you got it from one of my classmates, then to that classmate I am saying that you are equally as selfish and irresponsible. For the Same reason, you should have taken the initiative to get the book(s) back. And to whichever BITCH/BASTARD is at fault here, I want an explnation, face to face. If you refuse to come to me, I will find out who are, and I will NOT be afraid to confront you. Dont say I havent warned you

ok, now onto the good news.

2)Exam results

I've only got back one, but It's my best out of all the years I've been in TK. I got highest in Chemistry in my class - 45/50. I am immensly chuffed, and to think that I'm the one who got 9/50(lowest in class)for science last year, this is a huge improvement/achievement. Unfortunately, all my mum said was "but this isnt the main exams right? this isnt important is it?". It seems I can never make her happy, oh well. I'm going to work only for myself, that's the pact I made during the June holidays.

If you ask me, I feel like I'm finally coming into my own. I found a way to enjoy studying, and do it on a regular basis, which has been hard for me since I started school in England. It also shows within this blog. It's been one year and I havent changed my blog url or my blogskin. It feels good this way.

of course, I couldnt have gotten those results if cherie, andrew and jordan hadn't cornered me at cherie's house. now I really do love chocolates strawberries and grape(inside joke)

3)celebrating the end of exams

thursday,
watched 'where got ghost?' with 2G peeps. Great movie. Kept laughin at meiling sitting next to me getting scared, and xiang min getting even more scared. However, I was stupid enough not to ration my drink and needed to pee real badly by the end of the movie so couldnt enjoy it as much. but it was friggin hilarious.

before that waited in the canteen with meiling, sara, xm, andrew, zuo fu for those having remedial. we played truth or dare and gossiped...which is only ever fun with 2G peeps.

Friday
sushi buffet treat by andrew and cherie. Fun TTM!!!
I didnt force them to treat me though, nono. They simply want to as congrats for my chem and YOG.
after that, while we were heading home they kept scaring me by whispering birthday surprise plans to each other. and they kept asking me how close I am to at least 5 ppl from every sec 3 class, which scared me even more. What's worse, they said I' gonna cry from what they're planning for me.

I'm really glad to have them as friends. They're seriously fun, but have the most comfortable imaginary shoulders to cry on. The Best bestfriends you could ever ask for.

Ps. I can't believe my birthday's only in 16 days...I feel like I don't deserve this level of maturity in responsibility

2009-08-15T19:47:00.002+08:00

yo!!!

today's been a hectic day.

1)went for sports presentation meeting(1st)
2)went to the toy, games and comic convention

1)ok, the first meeting held for the sports presenters of the youth olympic games.
It was VERY intimidating at first, but in the end it just became one big party.

I was almost late for it. Luckily, I ran into Bob at the event and we got a cab(even tho the centre was walking distance away). the scariest thing happened when we were paying. some guys reversed into the cab 0.0...SCARY SHIT RIGHT!!! Then as soon as we got the change, Bob was like "we better get outta here fast...LOL".

after that I joined Ysabel with a bunch of people at her table. YAY! NEW FRIENDS - akif, Ilene, aishwarya and shireen. Cuz mark wanted to take shots of all the presenters he said do anything u want when he puts his hand down. the 6 of us all jumped up in the air, and we were like the only ones who jumped...crazy ppl.

Then came the moment of truth...dundunduuuuuun!!!
We were all asked to moved to the back of the room and one by one ournames got called. When that happened, we had to go to the front of the room and collect both our contracts, and be assigned a table number. one by one, we got separated as we were assigned to different tables. The fact that we were told each table represented a specific sport scared us, or at least me. However, we only knew that sport after everyone was seated, when the sports would be revealed one by one on the screen. I was table number 2, so our sport was 2nd to be announced.
we got....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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VOLLEYBALL!!!

yup. So I'm a sports presenter for volleyball. My group consists of Firdaus, Kenneth, Cleo, and Syahidah. I'm really excited to be hosting it cuz those that hosted it at the AYG had tons of fun and became really bonded.

anyways, after that we had our individual and group photoshoots, and our video shoot that would be used to promote our sport. was relatively fast, and easy. However, when we were discussing the script for our videoshoot, marcus, who happens to be firdaus's ex-teacher, came up with this tagline for volleyball "cuz we smack ur balls!". Ohmygoodness!!! So sick-minded! and then infront of his student summore...tsktsk.

oh, and tons of the ppl there said I look like leona lewis 0.o

haiz...YOG ppl r so fun. can be as loud or crazy as u want, but ur never the loudest. its such a great atmosphere and its just a party all the time!

2) I headed to suntec. the main reason I went for the convention is cuz my dad was attending as darth vadar together with the 501st legion. gosh, he looks so scary like that!!! ran into Si Qi, fuzzy and yoshi too. ok, not much to say abt tht.

ps. PREPARE TO BE SPIKED, AT VOLLEYBALL 2010

2009-08-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

YOSH!!!

looks like bloggecting up again, so I cant upload pics.
speaking of pics, I have yet to edit and finalise teh pics from airi's mini-shoot practically 1mth ago. I am such a ad photog, tsktsk.
Airi, joo ish gonna kill me next time joo sees me...NNUUUUUOOOOOOO!!!

HEHE

ok, kinda hyper now.
must be the work of Andrew constantly poking me on the bus, even when I was aslp =.=
oh, and the fact tht I read up the rest of the hist chapter on 'nazi germany' while spending my time at the library today. Gosh, it's traumatising just reading about it, how scary both jews and nazis can be. Well, u know what they say..."all's fair in love and war".

I'm kinda shocked that I'm so hyper now. For most of today, I was VERY tempremental. for two main reasons. one is an obvious one, another is tht I felt totally nauseaus(sp?) and heavy chested and had a mild headache all in one today. Alone, they arent that bad. Combined, THEY'RE A NIGHTMARE! I was so happy to talk to my closer friends, eat, drink, and not forgetting making the rocket with my group(yas, tiara, del). I just took my mind totally off how sick I felt today...friends and food RAWK!!!

thankfully, by the time I got to the library, I no longer felt sick, so I was able to concentrate, which brings me back to sadistic nazi germany.

cya. xD

2009-08-09T22:22:00.002+08:00

yo!!!

what a busy week its been!

friday was rockin!
It was the National Day Celerations/concert/parade in our school. For about 100+ people...it was the big day. I know every stop at which my bus reached, my heart was racing that much more. even half an hour before the parade, while my teacher was taking attendance, I was unable to have a proper convo, as the secs inched closer. As soon as we were released, u could see my gloves from the corner of ur eye, as I sped down to the canteen for a last min rehearsal around the canteen and through the slaloam.

Overall,
the concert was a HUGE success. one of the most exciting and engaging for sure! Although the other skaters and I didnt exactly agree with the teachers on the days approaching friday, and the stress definitely showed on my face, it all turned out for the better. I even cried from the pressure of a thousand problems during fridays mother tounge. I'm thankful I had trishu there, she didnt question my tears, and just stayed silent at my wish.

on the day itself, it was a ball of the time. I felt so bonded to the performers, even those I didnt know, cuz we were just there to party the day away. the train was genius, thanks sec 4s. I thin I grabbed onto some random scouts guy's shoulders at one point. And nobody remained in one clique, because we were all like one big family.

Also, I definitely feel a sense of belonging with the skaters, naz, mike, francis and fiqah.
We hung out alot on the days leading up to the event. me, mike and naz got kicked out of katong sc, but we did it together. we bitched and gossiped and lamed and laughed together. me, fiqah and naz skated all the way to paya lebar together, a very adventurous trip where my gloves got screwed. when one of us got scolded by tan kee ho, we all stood beside him, cuz thts what friends do. oh, and not forgetting how much of a rollercoaster tuesday was. I shouted at michael to listen, which was soon followed by all of us laughing. I got pissed at the VP when he didnt give us time to rehearse and cut us out of our slot. but the skaters always gave me time to calm down. Thank you!

SCREWED UP PRODUCTIONS FOREVER!!!

During the performance, I couldnt have been less nervous.
The second my wheels touched the bricks in the assembly plaza, and I pushed off till I could feel the wind in my hair, all else went out of the window. I did not care that all of my friends were watching, I did not care that I lost my balance like 50 odd times. I did not care that I suddenly became bad at T-stopping. I did not care that my stomach cramped halfway through the performance. I did not care about anything. I even sang the pledge with pride at one of the songs, despite not being singaporean. I could feel the energy, whether the audience could feel it or not, it didnt bother me, because I could feel it, and I could see it and I never wanted it to end.

as soon as I was backstage and out of sight I crashed in the canteen, all the pain of my cramp hitting me at once. but it was all worth it. In the end, when I watched 'up' with andrew, xm, sara, maurice, jordan, taiming, cw, xian kai, jian hao , ritesh and god knows who else, I kept dosing off.

maye the fact that it was the day marking exactly half my life spent in singapore, more than england(6yrs) or germany(2yrs) that got me so pumped. who knows...

If only that day never ended.

Then yesterday, we sent betty off.

gosh, that has to be the best 2G outing ever.
in short, there were many screams, tears, smiles, laughs.
I'm proud of the board we made for betty, and I sure hope she'll treasure it for manymany more years.

after that I watched 'GI Joe' with meiling, andrew, jian hao and their friend ken tong(?).
it was a great movie, and it was great watching it with them. we also discussed my birthday plans. Meiling said it will be cool that I watch a chinese movie(where got ghost) on my birthday, since I'm not chinese. and when we were leaving tm, we saw these mannequins which we thoght were pointing middle finger, but were actually showing a backwards 'L' so then we said that everyone we're angry with, we do that to them. And I kept scaring meiling by saying that all the girls who were staring at her or bumping into her were tryng to find some way to ask for her number, whether guy or girl.

haha, good times...

I hope there are more of these days in future

2009-08-08T09:13:00.003+08:00

shit, I'm so lost!
just as I thught all the stress had gone,

my next plan may not work out, for many factors.

1)did the other person* do their job? at the most half-way, since I nor nobody else knows tht person's progress

2)will I be the only one who is blamed if it doesnt work out? I sure hope not.

3)will the same thing that happened to emmanuelle, happen to betty?

gosh, I stress out so easily nowadays. needa go out skating with screwed up productions.

2009-07-31T22:32:00.002+08:00

hey all!

sry I didnt update much, or wont be updating much.
been REAL busy lately.

but I have to big announcements:

1)I'm going to be a Youth Olympic Games sports presenter!!!

whoo~ its finally confirmed.
ysabel, oswald, andrea and matthew are also gonna be joining me.

oh, and they've asked me the top3 sports I woud like to host, which I'm still not sure abt.
I was thinkin of(in order of preference); diving, swimming and ____
yes, I still dunno what I'm gonna put for the last one. Any Ideas? I've alr ruled out soccer and basketball, since I dunno nuts abt them and arent interested in them.

I was thinking maybe beach volleyball or table tennis, OR heptathlon. I really cant decide....haiz.

2)Michael and Nazurah r the rockin-est rollerblading buddies ever!!!

we had national day concert today. So, since everyone else was busy, michael and I decided to go to tht quiet road behind the houses opp TKP to get used to our skates. I learnt how to do a 360 turn, 180 turn and T-stop!!! WHEE~~~
I can also jump with my blades on now.

oh, then after rehearsal, me naz and mike went to Katong SC to get bubbletea b4 picking up naz's bro. we stupidly went to ride in the place itself and got kicked out by the security guard. We must've looked like one of those vandals, since we had big bags and were skating real fast.

but yeah. They're really fun to skate with, esp street skate.

ok, so those were my 'announcements'.

my day was...errr. quite ok. when I was with naz and mike, I ran into mrs singh and mrs tang from TKP. mrs tang said I looked taller with rollerblades...mrs singh said I looked like I'd lost weight =.=

hmm...dunno what to blog abt. kinda busy thinking of choreo for the ND performance

2009-07-26T10:37:00.000+08:00

yo!

I dun think I'll be blogging as regularly from now on.
been studying for the mountain of upcoming tests I'm receiving.
yes, I said it...I'VE BEEN STUDYING.

don't worry if you dont believe me. Neither does my mum.
she thinks, in reality, I'm having a secret rondevous with someone(most likely a guy or a drug dealer, LOL).

BUT, I swear I've been studying. I went to tampines library until abt 4/5 yesterday which got me shagged for the rest of the day. today I plan to say there longer, so I'm going off after my lunch later. Ppl, plz dont come and find me. or join me. you'll just distract me. I really like stdying there. Its such a condusive(sp?) environment and ur forced to study hard as its constantly packed with ppl who want to concentrate on their work and will glare at you at the slightest noise u make. plus, you need to go early or you wont be able to find a seat...tht's how packed it gets.

and gosh...blogger sucks right now. cant change the colour, font, talic, bold anything. cant spell check either...sucks

ps. if ___ is reading this, you're hilarious, you make me laugh, u make my friends laugh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2009-07-19T00:00:00.003+08:00

to all those who put down the harry potter movie...

FUCK YOU!!!
yes I said it.

It rocks okay!!!
rocksrocksrocksrocksrocksrocksrocksrocksROCKSROOOOOOOOOCKSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

I love the graphics, I love the timing, I love the camera angles, I love the music, I love the acting, I love the actors, I love the attention to certain details!!!

I love so much of it.
yes, they should've added:
-the memory of the gaunt house
-more detail on the ring
-dumbledore explaining to harry any possible horcruxes
-dumbledore's funeral.

but hey, once u watch the movie, u'll seriously think they made up for it in other areas. like the ones I mentioned. I even jumped at the sea cave scene I was expecting. Also, my heart skipped a beat at the scene where katie gets 'possessed', which was quite shocking, and I was also expecting tht.

dumbledore's death was relatively sad, altho I only shed 1 tear. But hey, arent u glad they didnt remake last yr's death scene.

one thing's for sure...david yates(director) took on board the advice of some very angry fans after order of the phoenix. How do I know? it improved in all areas of complaints from OOTP.

1)the congesting of the book, although far from perfect, has tremendously improved.
2)the movie is much longer...close to 1 hr long

my rating-4stars

2009-07-10T23:48:00.002+08:00

thx to felicia, cherie and elise and my chicken rice(LOL) for cheering me up during recess.
thx to andrew and yasmeen and all of the above for lending a listening ear and caring.
thx to mrs foo for being the cause of all of this, and making my hatred for u grow so that I'll work tht much harder.

btw, dear mrs foo,
I dun care who see's this. and I def don't care abt you. You no longer bring me down. you're only bringing yourself down by digging a bigger hole for yourself with those, sharp, spiteful words you use. Unfortunately for you, my skin's too think for your words to pierce through to my heart, but it just so happens to be able to dig out tht hole for you.

Those tear today, they were tears of anger, hatred, utter detest.
That shaking today, tht was the fury taking over, slowly but surely, resonating from under my skin. However, the shaking also shows tht I'm too nice. I was trying to contain my negative emotions until the end of the lesson, because I did not wish to embarrass you...yet. For that, I have to thank the English department for coming up with the holiday homework, in which I read a book which mentioned detaching yourself from certain negative emotions. The book is called "tuesdays with morrie" by mitch albom and I must thank the eng dept. again for introducing me to it. otherwise, I'll prob be suspended by now and wouldn't be so motivated to do well in my studies after today.

However, I will not hesitate to do whatever it takes to stand up for my rights if you cross the line once more. I'm talking abt the line between being concerned, and just plain rude. Boundaries are there for the same reason as rules, to create a control in the environment, standards, a foundation. the same thing that you, as a teacher, stand by, is the same thing tht ur disobeying. Now, when tht happens u know sth must be done.

Thus, I'll only say it once more, mainly cuz I dun wanna get yelled at by my mum for staying up so late. Do something, for goodness sake.

2009-07-06T17:26:00.001+08:00

a convo from ages ago betw me and felicia

a convo from yesterday betw me, andrew and cherie.

yes, I am tht bored

2009-07-05T13:11:00.002+08:00

youth day in 1days time.
audition results and physic test in 2days time.
1st and only official speech day rehearsal in 3days time.
cosfest in 7days time

so many big events happening in just week. Well, they may not be big to u guys, but some of these really are essential parts of my life.

and the audition results is scaring the shit outta me. only 90 candidates will make it...and that's outta 400. This will be the pinnacle of my 'career'. my breakthrough. From this I shall know whether I really have grown, and learnt, or whether I'm just the same old girl I was in my pre-teens: getting rejected at every casting, and only appearing good to the ameteur eye, with my stage-fright holdin me back.

If I do make it, I'll know that all those emcee 'jobs' and auditions paid off. I'll know that, even those I'm still not perfect, I'm on the right track and I'm not totally useless. For once, I will finally have some concrete evidence that I am a daughter to be proud of, a student to be proud of, and a sister to be proud of.

Hmm... I think to celebrate, I'll prob have sushi buffet. with whom, I have no idea haha.

till the results r out,
wish me the best of luck

2009-07-04T09:07:00.002+08:00

this week, 1st week of term3, semester 2 has been fun.

we have a new form teacher who will be replacing ms tan. and her name is...*drumroll*...MS TAN!!! LOL.

no, this is the history teacher Ms Tan, not Ms Tan Seow Lan. She's super fun. she reads manga(hooray otakus), asks us to invite her to class outings and plays games during FT period. but the bad thing abt her being my FT is soon she'll know my secret, and so far every FT since p4 has known my secret. I hope tht 'reveal' doesnt cause her too much stress.

oh, and her 1st impression of me is tht I'm a very sleepy girl. T.T
my friends who know me would know tht I'm normally veryvery bouncy.

she also set up several commitees in our class for:

1)the class look(im in it)
2)class blog
3)class outings
4)clown control(LOL)
5)gift giving

The one tht I'm in, I forgot alot of details(irresponsibility), but I know that it requires taking photos and such, which is perfect for me. (4) is supposed to be clown control, but then all the clowns in the r in tht grp...oh, the irony.

she also came up with a new motto "charm with gums" sounds lame at first but its really kinda cool. very creative and unique

I also have a new chem teacher, Mrs Chee.

She's super fun, and I prefer her teaching style over TSL's(no offence to her) but she's so captivating and her explanations are very visual so you don't get lost so easily.

oh, and the highlights of my week are:

1)Mdm Yeo screaming at our class then tan kee ho and mildred yap coming into our class. all the sec 3 classes being released were just staring at aw...we did too cuz we thought they, esp tan kee ho, would bombard us like he's infamous for doing. but neither did tht, they were MUCH nicer than expected.

2)we have a new classmate XING WEI who seems nice although I've only said like one sentence to him. he joined us on wednesday.

3)finding out tht shirin(sp?) and some guy called benedict(according to delbert) like cosplay. shirin and me couldnt stop talking abt cosplay during thurs recess. what's cool is tht they are both sec 3

2009-06-27T11:44:00.002+08:00

ok, It's pretty well known that michael jackson passed away in the recent days. Its very heart-breaking, cuz he was like, idolised by me and my mum in the 90s. However, I think others have said all tht I wanted to say, so I'll leave it at tht.

LOS ANGELES (AFP) - - Pop icon Michael Jackson died Thursday after suffering a cardiac arrest, the entertainment website TMZ.com reported.

The website reported that Jackson, 50, suffered a heart attack just after 12:00 pm (1900 GMT) local time and paramedics were unable to revive him.

Jackson's manager Tohme E. Tohme was not immediately available for comment when contacted by AFP. Officials at UCLA Medical Center where Jackson was treated also could not be reached for comment.

Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Devin Gales would not confirm Jackson's identity but said paramedics went to an address corresponding to the star's home at 12:21 pm (1921 GMT) and the person was taken to UCLA Medical Center.

On a side note, I think many have forgotten the death of another great legend in another industry; film & television.

Yes, that's right. Farah Fawcett lost her battle against anal cancer, at the oh-so-young age of 62, just hours before michael jackson collapsed due to cardiac arrest.

LOS ANGELES - Farrah Fawcett, a 1970s sex symbol and TV star of "Charlie's Angels," spent almost three years in private fighting for her life against cancer. But shortly before her battle ended, she allowed the public an intimate and inspiring look inside.

Fawcett, 62, died Thursday morning at St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica, after being diagnosed with anal cancer in 2006.

The news came just a month after the airing of "Farrah's Story," a documentary in which she made public her painful treatments and dispiriting setbacks _ from shaving her golden locks before chemotherapy could claim them to undergoing experimental treatments in Germany.

"Her big message to people is don't give up. No matter what they say to you, keep fighting," Alana Stewart, who filmed Fawcett as she underwent treatment, said last month. NBC estimated the May 15, 2009, broadcast drew nearly 9 million viewers.

In the documentary, she also recounted her efforts to unmask the source of leaks from her UCLA Medical Center records, which led a hospital employee to plead guilty to violating a federal privacy law for selling celebrities' information to the National Enquirer.

On Thursday, Fawcett was with Ryan O'Neal, her longtime companion who returned to her side when she became ill. He is the father of her 24-year-old son, Redmond.

This month, O'Neal said he asked Fawcett to marry him and she agreed. They would wed "as soon as she can say yes," he said, but it never happened.

"Although this is an extremely difficult time for her family and friends, we take comfort in the beautiful times that we shared with Farrah over the years and the knowledge that her life brought joy to so many people around the world," O'Neal said in a statement.

Other "Charlie's Angels" stars also paid tribute to the actress who stole the series with her winsome smile, tousled hair and unfettered sensuality.

"Farrah had courage, she had strength, and she had faith. And now she has peace as she rests with the real angels," Jaclyn Smith said.

Said Cheryl Ladd: "She was incredibly brave, and God will be welcoming her with open arms."

Kate Jackson said she would remember Fawcett's "kindness, her cutting, dry wit and, of course, her beautiful smile. Today when you think of Farrah remember her smiling because that is exactly how she wanted to be remembered, smiling."

I looked up to her so much as an actress. She became famous in the original 'charlies angels' tv series, that 1st aired in the 70s. she was so beautiful, and such a well-revered actress.

Plus Ryan O'Neal, her long time companion and father to her 24-year-old son Redmond, had just proposed to her and said this when asked about their plan.

They would wed "as soon as she can say yes,"

Sadly, that moment never came. Additionally, O'Neal stated

Although this is an extremely difficult time for her family and friends, we take comfort in the beautiful times that we shared with Farrah over the years and the knowledge that her life brought joy to so many people around the world,"

Farrah was diagnosed with anal cancer in September 2006, at the age of 59 after undergoing 2 weeks of tests. her reaction, as mention in her documentary "Farrah's Story" was

"I do not want to die of this disease. So I say to God, `It is seriously time for a miracle,'"

Both Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett were living legends, and will remain legends for decades to come. their memory has been cemented in their life's work. now, let them Rest In Peace.

2009-06-23T17:58:00.002+08:00

was surfing sgcafe, and I found this

just what we need to lighten up our mood in these drastic times.

and if tht doesnt satisfy ur appetite, this will...

2009-06-20T20:07:00.002+08:00

ok, my com is finally fixed and can blog as much as I want without a worry. but since so much has happened in the span of time tht I havent blogged, and I' still really lazy, I'll give a breif description of the major events.

last week, I had my first and second netball training in the past 2 mths and also my YOG auditions:round two.

the trainings were...to say the least...ROFL(which I cant stop spellin as ROLF...O.o)
monday, I didnt do much. just shooting the whole day then 15 rounds warm-down, which I surprisingly survived. wednesday was abt the same routine as on monday...for about half of the entire session. Cuz I was asked to be a 'dummy' for the goal shooters as they practice their turning, and catching and what-not. then I started blacking out, but thought it would be no big deal, since I just needed to stand, and it would go away soon. then, acording to the rest,meiling saw my eyes were really big and thought I was going to faint. then felicia(who was just watching training) said tht they all thought I could walk by myself and I tripped over the wheel of the pole(LOL?).

the worst part?
all I thought I was doing is being spun around on the spot like when u play 'pinata' or 'pin the tail on the donkey', when I'd actually moved from the goalpost to the side of the canteen. and the first voice I heard was coach going 'feel the wall...can u feel the wall?'. why couldn't it be me halucinating robert pattinson going "be my leading lady..."(ok, cheesy much)

okok, the spinning part was kinda cool.

Friday, I headed for the YOG learning centre for my audition. On my way, I ran into ethel at tampines int. 1st thing she said was "OH MY GOSH, why are you stalking me?!" haha. ok, then I met Ysabel at the venue, and made friends with a few people. Kayla, Felicia and Vanessa, whom Ysabel and I grouped up with for the audition, and walric(sp?), whom I talked with on the way up to the room. I have to say, I improved truckloads compared to last time, and our timing(cuz ark richmond gave us the cues to 2 parts of what we had to do for our audition) was spot-on. That shocked us since we'd prepared a plan B in case our part 1 wasnt long enough.

u know why we had a second audition? cuz they took in 400 ppl instead of 120 and werent allowed so many due to high security restrictions in the yog area. so yeah, thts a big cut. I hope we get thru.

ok, tht was last week. this week, the biggest things tht happened were the fact tht I fainted(again) and went for a '2G' outing yesterday.

ok, faining.
Kinda happened on thursday, and what's funny is tht I didnt even do WARM-UPS and I fainted(ROFLMAO...LAME). Ms Chan, as always, said "just stand there and dont move".

2G outing.
yesterday, me, cherie, meiling, andrew, jordan, jian hao and chee wai had a 'class' outing. yeah...some class outing. 7/40 ppl showed up...pathetic. but it was fun anyhow.
first, I met andrew and JH to get our bait and stuff for the BBQ. then went to JH house to cut up the lemons. after tht played pool with chee wai at katong sc. the results(winners highlighted):

me&cw vs. andrew&jh
me vs andrew(WTH!!!)
me&andrew vs. cw&jh

andrew, u may have beat me, but u still suck...hehe.
ok, then we headed to ecp, meet up with cherie and jordan and 'rescue' meiling at the busstop. and while we were finding meiling, she kept msging cherie abt how she thinks ppl near her think she's fat and how she thinks she's fat. couldnt help but laugh man...all of us.

after we found her, we went prawning(finally) was super fun, my technique became much better. but I have a new grudge, on this commando prawn which I'd alr got outta the water, then it managed to get unhooked and jumped back in the water...grrr. and I caught this cute baby prawn which cherie later set free.

then we BBQ-ed the fish we caught and got JH and ML to like them.

later, me, jh, andrew and cherie cabbed home. ahd some funny convos. 1 of which was:

Andrew: Jian Hao, dont be so emo lah!
Cherie: Jian Hao, say something...anything
Jian Hao: something...
me: say anything
Jian Hao: anything
*I jump up and down in my seat laughing and clapping my hands*
me: hey, Jian Hao's like a little pet. u ask him to do something, he'll do it and we all clap in joy
andrew: sit...
Jian Hao:I'm alr sitting
Andrew: Good boy, stay...good boy
Me and Cherie: hahaha

after andrew and jian hao got dropped off, me and cherie caught up in the bus, which was nice.
pics will be posted on the 2G website...dunno when tho

2009-06-07T10:23:00.002+08:00

haiz, resuming netball tmr T.T
and I have to go for eng oral practice b4 tht.

yet I cant get out of my 'lazy mood' mindset.
I'm even procrastinating gettin on my rollerblades too.
but then, tht's prob cuz I've been banned from doing much on them, except going in straight lines and circles, by my doctors and mum. actually they said no rollerblading at all, but then, u really think I'll listen? I promised my mum I'll wear wrist-guards(bleah) and not do anything fancy. which means...

no hockey stop
no cross-over
no t-stop(although I have to do it cuz I removed the brakes)
no going backwards(wth...)
no learning new tricks T.T

on another note, I cant wait till friday.
dying to see ysabel, mariam, aishah, and say hi to oswald and andrea. oh, and not forgetting, scoping out the competition. plus, I've got to show mark richmond how much more confidence I've acheived since our last meeting.

wish me luck

oh, and to all u non-hannah montana fans, I was forced to watch the movie w my bro, and it's not really tht bad. even my mum agrees. its good acting. I give it 3.5stars.

oh, and I went to ECP yesterday w nanny, auntie zarina, tahira, siti, auntie ain, mum and jude.
were so close to going prawn fishing. but we didnt. talked, caught up. gossiped w tahira. gonna watch new moon w her when it comes out. we were like discussing which guys are hotter, and who's together. so fun to gossip w her man

2009-06-03T21:12:00.002+08:00

today went for my hand check-up.

turns out I was supposed to go for my occupational therapy 1st(oops) so now I have to go for another check-up 2wks after my OT on friday.
which means I can't do any netball until prob after the june hols.
sadly, I still have to go for training for PT whih is always most tiring during june hols.
SHUCKS.

other than that, today was kinda a boring day. hmm, when to get materials w desiree?

2009-06-02T18:09:00.002+08:00

ok, I'm suddenly darn scared.
nervous
anxious
jittery
agitated
angered
betrayed
unprepared
vulnerable

12th june is supposedly meant to be a training session, not an audition.
I recieved an email tht I was already a YOG host.
I recieved another series of emails abt tentative training sessions.
then the day came, the day I had been waiting months for.
I recieved an email requesting for my confirmed attendance to an upcoming training session, the 1st of many more.
I had been given a date, 12th june
I had been given a place, YOG learning centre
I had been given a time, 2-5pm

then today,
I access my email inbox, a monotonous routine of mine with rarely anything new other than spam messages and facebook confirmation requests, stuff which were, by now, instinctive for me to delete. oh, how today was different. The 1st things to catch my eye were 2 unread emails by shu yi foo, the person who delightfully informs and updates all presenters. I read the older email. It talked abt the 12th June being an audition day. A sudden kick in the stomach could be felt, although it took some time to react to.

"didn't you tell me that I could already start training?"
"Hadn't you already given me the title of host?"

so many questions, so much left unanswered. even now I don't understand it.
but one thing I understand,, I'm scared to learn the truth.
________

On a side note, I watched Georgia rule today and balled my eyes out at the ending.
balled my eyes out when I read tuesdays with morrie.

good book and movie.

oh, then I curled up in a ball when I wanted tht feeling to go away.
havent experienced it since 3mths and 3 weeks ago...no longer used to it

2009-06-01T12:40:00.003+08:00

ok, so I kinda printed out 80% of what I wrote in tht previous post. I wanted to show it to ___ then I thought of showing it to ___ instead. In the end, I feel words won't work anymore. Its like the boy who cried wolf. I've cried wolf so many times tht nobody believes me anymore. So I'm gonna shut them up the hard way...sticking to my word and doing it.

but it just got a whole lot harder 2 days ago when mariana said she quit being my tutor for some unknown reason. and it can't be cuz of my attitude cuz she quit just as I actually showed some improvement in my A & E maths results. By improvement, I mean a 15mark jump in my A maths from term 1-term 2.

ok, enough of tht...for now. I wanna do a prper summary of what's happened since thursday.

thursday, was bazaar day. The moment of truth to see if 3G would crash and burn, or pass with flying colours.

I would say we did abit of both. at 1st, we had a nice amt of customers coming in at any one time, roughly 2 or 3. but tht joyous sight ended as soon as it begun. I was told me only had 19 customers for the game T.T which is kinda dissapointing cuz tht was what the LYMPICS of 3Glympics was for. but tht aside, we made $168 cuz our sand was so attractive. and considering how hard it is for our class to settle on 1 idea or get organised enough to do anything, I'd say its pretty good. not only tht, we got to donate so much money to charity. an astounding feeling.

prize-giving was a screw-up, mainly cuz the names of the raffles baskets tht I had been given were the all muddled up and diff to what was actually in the basket. then we didnt have the figures for the most profit and all tht crap. PLUS I only found out I was emcee the day b4. and only knew what to day earliest, 2 hrs b4. so my apologies for making the whole thing so boring.

after everything was over, I went to K.S.C w cherie, jordan, sara, xm, ethel to eat lunch b4 we went our separate ways. after tht I played my 1st proper pool game since I had my cast on, versus chee wai I got pwned but still wasnt too bad. wen kai made this super tyco shot at 1 point which only I saw...I feel so honoured.

friday, nothing happened

saturday, went parkway, ran into olivia(sec1) said hi to her after not seein her for a long time. We shopped around quite abit. I treated myself to some stuff...spent $70 in total, and I'm happy I did. I bought these tights and shorts from topshop. I've been eyeing them since I went out to celerate fuzzy's bday. esp the shorts.gorgeous military-inspired shorts. they're ex but somewhat high fashion so it worth it. u don't get haute couture for free u know

ok...so its not exactly haute couture...but its a real good buy for me. and everytime I look at it I feel so willing to work hard. mainly cuz I rarely treat myself and all the treats I get r from others, so its nice to do sth for myself for a chane, and as a result, I need to shw tht I deserve it and wanted it bad enough to work hard. ok, when I write it down it suddenly sounds like crap, but when I just feel it and not think abt the logic behind it, it just feels right...ok...I realised I've been crapping this entire time. lol.

k, gotta get ready, going to the library later. think I'll wear my shorts..a test drive

2009-05-29T08:57:00.003+08:00

sometimes life just gets too overwhelming, and everything tht's been building up inside u just lets out when u least want it too.

like my PTM yesterday.
1)I am NOT making excuses for myself,
2)can't u see tht I've worked harder than last term
3)its not that easy to stop urself from falling aslp/daydreamin if not I wouldnt be doing it
4)its not totally my fault, although I admit my attitude leaves much to be expected
5)pt 4 brings me back to pt 1 - I am admitting to my mistakes
6)when u asked mrs foo how much it takes to get kicked out, I felt useless at that point in time. I felt like you had lost hope in me, and as such, I almost lost hope in myself

and,

How truthful was I infront of u, ms tan and mrs foo, u tell me?
I confessed to sleeping during mother tongue
I confessed to not working as hard as I could've
I confessed to talking alot during term 1
I confessed to not making enough use of my tuition
I confessed to having difficulty in keeping track of my time

but at the same time, I was trying to say how I felt I have improved, this term, as a person
I organised study outings w my friends and ended up scolding them for making alot of noise.
I would stock up on food, drinks and such so tht I wont have any excuse to stop studying.
I paid attention in class and approached teachers after school,
I nvr did those things in term 1.
I completed more of my homework, leaving few stuff to be undone.
I stayed back during recess to complete any unfinished work, even when nobody else did it
I actually studied during mother tongue and even during recess.
I skipped meals(recess, lunch) in order to study,
I lost alot of weight because I did the above

I may have done the above only for short periods of time each time I did it. but at least I did it compared to term 1 when I didnt do it at all.

you can scold me all you want for everything that happened in term 1, I don't blame you. I did badly then, both results-wise and attitude-wise. and you can scold me for my results in term 2. just don't scold me for my attitude. cuz I know its bad. and I'm working on it. but its going to take time.

and please don't compare me with y friends. you dont know them, you neither know their attitude nor their intelligence. the reason I compare myself with them is both because I know them well, and its just a bit of fun.

I'm asking this of you politely, cuz I miss when you were more encouraging and when u looked at things more positively or tried to build up my spirit. cuz right now, even though I never show it, I feel beaten down, demoralised, stupid and overall a failure in life who, no matter how hard she tries to change her attitude, whether she creates a time-table(I did this in primary 4) for herself, ans herself from going out(I did this in sec 2 and this year) or does anything else, will always go back to the way she was.

so please, I'm saying this in the least abrasive way I can

2009-05-22T22:05:00.002+08:00

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.
-- Lewis B. Smedes

found this quote on Vivian's blog .
its so true.
I'm not looking forward to seeing the report book one bit.
neither am I looking forward to Mrs foo seeing my mum.
why must she insist?!

haiz, sometimes I wonder what I got myself into. why did I have to go and take my combination. I would've done so much better in other combinations, I think. AAH!!! My main problem is my time management and carelessness...my Achilles heel, which is the comment from all my teachers including Mariana and my mum, who isn't even my teacher. Think I need to time myself more.

well, aside from all that, today was a great way to end the week. I found an extra mark in A maths, so I've improved by 15marks since last term...which restored much of my hope. Unfortunately, I didn't get the mark I fought for in my summary, which caused a mini written debate on my summary paper betw. me and the teacher. as a result, I still failed my summary and overall a got an atrocious 54 overall for Eng despite my compo being 21/30 and situational being 19/30, my record for both. which sucks, which means instead of those two pulling my up like shit, I was pulled down like shit by my compre and summary, both of which I failed.

another cool thing abt Eng today was...

Benjamin congratulated me for my compo, I said I thought I failed. then he read my compo he said it had sch a sad ending.then I said I usually do better when I write sad endings, and he was like "sadist". and he couldn't believe I thought I'd fail either. but he said the same thing at his compo that it sux. but then my reaction when I read it was the same, I couldn't believe I thought it sucked. I guess great minds think alike, eh?

oh, hist was fun too. I new learning abt Germany during Nazi rule would be fun, interesting and mind-blowing. but not to this extent. I didn't realise so much of what I believed in, or at least researched on in the past had been used and twisted in such a crazed psychopathic way. to think that this was so controversial. I'm gonna enjoy next term, and make full use of this advantage aove the rest

2009-05-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

congrats.

for the 1st time in 3yrs I had to actually immobilise my hand/arms, just so that I wouldnt inflict self-mutilation, or worse...

for the 1st time in my life, I actually shook violently in fear, while silently begging god to end the pain, end the thoughts...

and guess what? its all because of you.
yes, you.
I hope you read this.
and realise what you've done to me.
you know what? I take that back.
Its too late.

congratulations, you won.
now celebrate(I dare you)

2009-05-11T11:51:00.002+08:00

ok, so here's the deal

I was looking at me & my mum's pile of beauty products next to the come when I saw 1 long baby pink nosel sticking out. It then hit me tht it was me & my mum's topshop perfume tht we share. I havent used it in centuries...miss the smell. Its like such a suttle sweet smell.this the only perfume tht I know which isnt overpowering. which is the main reason I rarely use perfumes.

lol, k.
realised this post is really random. -.-"

2009-05-09T13:03:00.002+08:00

yo...

miss the old times.
so yst I watched 'we are marshall'
I know...there's no link.

but its a good movie, made me cry at like 2-3 diff parts. Tht helped me conclude tht there r 2 kinds of movies which can make me cry

1)the fantasy/action/adventure movie where the hero goes down.

2)the sports/inspirational story where the main char(s) get past/go thru their struggles.

romance doesnt make me cry.
chick flicks don't make me cry.
comedies can only make me cry from laughing too hard, and tht's not really counted now, is it?

other movies tht easily made me cry the 1st time round:
1)white orleander starring Evan Rachel Wood
2)The chronicles of narnia: prince caspian
3)remember the titans
4)Harry potter and the Goblet of Fire
5)russel girl

yup very few. and I had to suppress the tears for #3, 4 and 5 cuz my mum was next to me and I didnt want her to see me cry. it was esp hard when watchign narnia, almost ended up crying and chocking on my drink at the same time. in the end I just choked on my drink.

k, forgot what else I wanted to say..
guess my pasta's waiting

2009-04-29T19:14:00.002+08:00

yo! long time since I posted huh?

anyways, a darn late congrats to nick, benji, govind and not forgetting ms asheeba(sp?) u guys did great for this yr's debate nationals. esp nick...11th best speaker in sg for division 3. kaori must be so proud. I miss the guys so much, such fun times.

ok, on a side note, I, and most others, have recieved details on their 1st training sessions for the YOG sports presenting. most, if not all, are gonna start on 12th june. thank god its after exams. then me, and Ysabel were like msging each other frantically for like today and yesterday abt it. cuz apparently she deleted the Shu Yi's(organiser) email accidentally...oops. then we were discussing abt hw many ppl might turn up, and whether it'll be in many small groups or not. damn nerve-wrecking.

Then today she suddenly msged me saying tht she found another presenter's blog. tht person blogged abt having recieved an email abt another round of auditions. ysael msged me abt it and I was like $%^$*%$#$@#@ shocked like crap.. so ya, dunno what's happening now cuz I didnt recieve tht email, and neither did Ysabel.

oh, and I read Andrea's blog and she said tht Mark Richmond said we might be going overseas for feild work. I hope we do. would be so fun! I hope we're involved in the AYG too...so cool.

ok, now to today.
physics was fun...REAL FUN!!! Mrs Quek asked each bench to draw a low frequency n volume wave. then she asked us to draw over it, louder and higher frequency wave. Chern Yue went and made this funny kung fu noise and randomly squiggled lines on the nice graph I drew T.T but it ended up correct :D

after tht he drew on it and made it into a face. then dunno who commented on the 'face' and chern yue went "OH! It's Kai Kiat!!!" LOL. me, luqman, tiara and chern yue all burst out laughing and couldnt stop. it was hilarious. I have the pic but lazy to upload.

then when I was taking my pic, I had to squat down. and mrs quek thought I had roken my leg or sth. I was like ROFLMAO!!! broken arm and broken leg. -.-

ok...mugmugmug...cya!!!

more than friends?

2009-04-24T21:50:00.004+08:00

I don't get it...

I seriously don't get it...

why are y'all so immature. yes...YOU ALL. you know who you are, don't pretend not to, dont lie to urself. so what? so what?! SERIOUSLY...so what?

So what if I happen to hang out with andrew alot?
so what if I happen to be really good friends with him?
so what if I happen to place him in the "my life would suck w/o u" section of my blog?
so what? so what?! SO WHAT?!

does that make us a couple??? NO!

So what if he's the only guy in that list?
so what if I dun conform to putting a star next to his name...juz cuz he's a guy?
so what if he's given hearts instead of stars?

does that make us a couple??? NO!

Listen, can you guys use your brains? we arent a couple, and I doubt we ever will be. c'mon, I call him my bro, and he calls me his sis for goddamn sake...don't couples usually call each other dear/dar/love/honey/babe/baby, stuff like tht?

and puh-lease!
what's so wrong with having a guy for a best friend. It just means tht we can relate to each other, and trust each other alot more than most of our other friends. and tons of girls get presents for guys, and vice versa BTW. GOSH! What's with all the sexism? this isnt primary school anymore...GROW...UP! unless u really have solid, concrete and definite proof of our supposed relationship, keep your thoughts to yourself, or approach us yourselves.

honestly,
I dont see why you all must classify guys and girls as ppl who cant be anything more the relatively close friends, without being bf/gf. and to us of all people. U know, why dont u go and pick on people who actually believe in this, yet still hug each other...AS FRIENDS? and why don't u pick on all the girls wh say they are best friends with each other, call each other les partners/hubbies/wifeys, kiss each other, hug each other and say ILY to each other on a regular basis? why dun u call them les? ask urself tht and u'll find its the same reason me and andrew are JUST friends.

u know what?
its weird how ppl are just so hypocritical, so judgemental, and so narrow-minded. I hate it, cuz its us who suffer instead...not u, yet its ur mistake. think before you speak. and if you tell me that its my ody language with him, or his body language with me, get some contacts. we dun have the same body language as a couple, ie. holding hands, hugging, head-on-shoulder. and dun tell me to make it easier for myself by, just not acting so close. it wont work. We know we arent in the wrong here, we wont change our ways just cuz of ur stupid lack of fair judgement.

ps. I read fuzzy's blog and it really cheered me up :)

2009-04-11T19:35:00.002+08:00

T.T

wanna mug w the muggers and 1993-ers so bad!!!
then after MYE, an outing w my VK team members...LIKE FINALLY!
haiz...so bored.
I thin I'll go study
wait...did I say tht?!

2009-04-11T09:35:00.002+08:00

yohoho!

guess what, I was so happy on the last few days before thurs tht I could finally move my hand again. and now look...after my check-up on thurs, the doc discovered tht the fracture was on another bone than originally suspected -.- and now cuz of the bone tht its supposedly on, they had to go and totally imobilise my thumb when putting the hard cast on. T.T
WHY?

cuz its very near my thumb and if the fracture gets worse, my whole hand could collapse. but they arent even sure if it was even a fracture in the 1st place.thus, I have to go thru 2 weeks of not being able to do this:

1)not being ale to tie my hair
2)not being able to play games which require 2 hands
3)not being able to txt w 2 hands
4)not being able to eat w 2 hands
5)taking twice as long to change
6)not being able to fully wear my jacket

all thx to the fact tht I cant move the one thing tht separates me from animals...my aposable thumb. and the fact tht its stuck in a hitckhiker/thumbs up position. well, at least I'll be able to help anyone who wants to hitchhike.

ahhh...sry,
just felt like ranting my day away

2009-04-06T17:59:00.002+08:00

yay~
I'm finally back to using 2 hands to type.
gained ack almost full strength in my left hand alr.
oh, and I found toe-jam in my left fingers...EWW!!!
cuz of all the sweat and the fingers being squashed together.

...toe-jam in my fingers...oh, the irony.

kk, quick run-down of the weekend

friday
ate at magic wok w cherie, xm, jordan, chee wai, teck wee, zuo fu and forgot who else. maurice maybe? DAMMIT...I cant rmb!!!

*rips hair out*
*borrows wig from rina*

ok, anyways...ya, went magic wok w them then everyone went back to sch for parent-teacher meeting except me, chee wai and zuo fu. so...we decided to play pool and Katong SC. I was like, practically the only girl there for most of the time, 1 other girl from some other sch came as we were leaving. long time since I had tht feeling...like 7yrs long. oh, and it was a full house tht day so there was more pressure to do well, esp when these chueng cheng guys were watching chee wai vs zuo fu.

later alotta TK ppl like adam, anthony and gerald came to hang at our table. then when Adam found out I was playing w 1 hand he was like "f***, u playing?!". like wth, its so cool to play w 1 hand. u shuld try it. I got my best score yet in 9-ball pool : 0-9 against zuo fu. its pretty obvious who got what. but I dun think I'll play w 1 hand again, cuz the whole time chee wai and zuo fu were acting as the support cue. I feel guilty. speaking of which, I still owe zuo fu $3. q:

ohya, kirara actually invited me, delbert and tenma to go skating at ecp, but me and del didnt go... me for obvious reasons.

saturday
went parkway w mum and jude. kinda boring. packed like shit w all thse sales. oh, and I bought 2 cadbury's creme eggs. super delicious and rare. my fave since as lon as I can rmb. ended up seeing wen kai at the taxi stand, what a coincidence lol.

sunday
my uncles just delivered my grandma's old bed for me. u know those kinds tht have the metal frame on 3 sides of the bed. yup. I've wanted it so bad. and its super comfy to slp in.

today
went back to TKP, cuz I seriously have nothing better to do...haiz.
its so boring there now, cuz basically all my juniors have graduated, and alotta teachers have either left or I dun dare approach them cuz I forgot their names. but I'll nvr lose all my connetions to TKP, too many memories, too strong bonds.

the rain was nice, refreshing...cooling.

ok, now I read felicia's blog(see links below) and the part of her latest post which talks abt bein deaf or blind is really sth.

and it got me thinking, I should do an experiment, dress-up really crazy, like decora mix w punk mix w luna lovegood. and o out on the street with a secret cam. and see ppls responses to u in a few diff ways:

1)ur just walking by them
2)u ask them for sth simple like the time and/or direction
3)u ask them to take a pic of u w the loction in the background(tourist-y)

cuz like felicia said also,

What if people think YOU look disgusting

so yeah looks r a subjective topic. my sgcafe friends, u all should know all too well what I'm talking abt. when u dress in punk/loli/decora/cosplay ppl, esp singaporeans, look at u diff.

what I'm trying to say is I dun mind doin the above proj, and get the word out, make the world and kinder place. any1 wanna join me?

2009-04-02T18:44:00.002+08:00

ok, so life's been fun these past 2 days. yup. fun.

april fools day
Nobody actually believed tht I had actually fractured my hand at first. They thought it was just an april fools joke. What perfect timing. of course, ppl arent THT gullible, they knew it was real.
but Derick, Aaron and Faiz kept saying it was fake. esp derick.

derick: I know its fake la. I saw u take it off to scratch ur head.
me: =.=

he's so lame. he even said there was a zipper.
most of the teachers reactions went along the line of "what happened to u?! I saw u yesterday [during my class] and u were perfectly fine/healthy/not bandaged up!" haha. skipped netball as well, wanna see bo's reaction for the sake of seeing it. I'm planning to visit TKP too, for the same reason...what a no-lifer. but I'm not an attn seeker. Its just interestting to see diff reactions of diff ppl.

sitting w jess, xm and ethel during recess is damn fun, forgot how fun cuz jess was trying to throw popcorn chicken in xm's mouth, but kept missing. and ethel took jess's phone so jess took my wallet hostage T.T she also called me a loser for only being ale to use 1 hand to eat =.=

today
lessons as usual. borin as usual. ppl were still asking me abt my hand.
oh and I realised sth...everytime I get to have a nice long talk w tara and deepa, it ends in a discussion/comparison, of our greusome and violet pasts. which is why we call each other blood buddies.

oh and I think I'm finally feeling the effects of constantly removing my sling. its my entire arm is starting to hurt more. but my sling is really damn annoying, hot like shit. and itchy, and obstructive. plus, I need to take it off when I draw graphs during physics, e & a maths. 3subj, all of which have tests coming up. asically I'm worried, I'll be slowed down durin graph drawing since I cant put my hand plam-down otherwise it'll hurt real bad.so I basically have to use everything but my hand to hold the ruler. what lameass shit.

but u know wad, I've learnt what the ppl w amputated/paralysed limbs go thru every single day, I dun pity them, nor do I feel sorry for them. Instead, I respect them. They live life to the fullest, and I'm learning not to hang on too long to the negative. I forgot tht a long time ago.

oh, and ms nani could pass as a dictator, the way she eyes u during tests. esp when u sit right at the window where she's eyeing the class from.

cant wait 4 tmr.
and TSL is still procrastinating w my result slip T.T

2009-03-31T22:24:00.003+08:00

This fracture's cool yo!

yes, I fractured my hand, whoopie-dee-doo-dah~

LOL.

but seriously, I only felt like crying for like, the 10 mins tht I was at home today b4 my mum came back. and those first few secs when I fell.

so, how did I fracture it?

well, I fell down not once, but 3 times. all during in-line hockey.

1st time:

I was practicing hockey stop, which is when u do a really sharp, forceful turn in order to stop instantly, since in-line hockey is real fast-paced. my wheels got caught and Ifell(it felt like a v light twist at this time, its this was how it started).

2nd time:

I just fell...yeah...nothing new.

3rd time:

We were playing the actual game, then I think I crashed into instructor zee or michael and it was so painful I didnt get up.

but then the other coach checked and said it wasnt broken and brought me to the water cooler to run it under icy water. tht's just to numb the pain, AND IT WORKED!

so I actually went and played like another 10mins of hockey and raced michael 2 rounds around the b-ball court. I cant believe I played hockey, using all tht force, with an unprotected fractured hand..tsktsk. and to think I only ended up scoring after the fracture occured...tsktsktsk.

and I brought my rollerblades home w it, and lasted 7hrs(11-6) with the pain untreated.

oh, and derrick and delbert shoved their pure geog stuff on me to bring to class for them(T.T). haiz, nvm, Im a nice person heehee.

DAMN, gonna have to miss the last two/three hockey lessons!

I havent played enough hockey T.T

I'll see if I can still rollerblade lightly.

and wow, I cant believe I wrote all this w my hand in a sling and only 1 hand...

but its annoying so I'll sign off here

2009-03-28T10:07:00.000+08:00

oh and kirara's onigiri is the best!!!(she made it for me for

recess)

2009-03-28T09:34:00.002+08:00

yesterday was...a fluctuating kinda day.
not only did my mind change at diff periods of time.
like,
1 sec I msg someone and I'm super pissed, next I'm damn hyper while talking to someone.
then also my luck varied.
I actually had to pass up my
1)A maths hw(easy as pie)
2)overdue E maths hw(STILL not started, pro man)
3)chem hw/punishment.(for not bringing the book on tues)

In the end, TSL didnt come, so no worries abt the chem.
but E maths I got a huge lecture...and my cassava chips got conviscated T.T
I can tell aaron's real happy abt tht last part. LOL.

ok, so I had to pass up my E maths by 1, otherwise I'll get another long lecture. so I finished at 1.30(whats the diff right?) and I gave it to her.
then she didnt let me leave cuz like 1/3 of a question wasnt complete(only =.=)
she made me sit down w her for 30mins, just to coomplete tht(her explanations included).
and then she check thru EVERYTHING and nitpicked at EVERYTHING until 2 o' clock.
and guess what? I was scheduled to reach paya lebar at 2..damn her.

so I ranted to yas, delbert and michael who were downstairs, and then went off.
rushed to the busstop, saw fuz...damn heartbreaking not to be able to talk to her.
I feel guilty.

then I met nazmi at paya lebar.
we slacked, played this trivia game on his phone, drank coffee bean(his treat hehe).
the trivia game is super addictive, and useful there was 1 part which asked abt stalin and trotsky, 2 former dictators(before hitler came along.) and I've started learning abt them in hist alr, but I got the question wrong. thus I conclude tht my hist=EPIC PHAIL.

ok, then I didnt want nazmi to spend so much on me, so we shifted to kfc to eat.
then nazmi was kinda afraid to move cuz he thought the guy at my 2 o clock position is his father's friend. but apart from that, it was super fun. talked non-stop.

then surprise surprise, yas showed up.
so 3 of us took 21 home.
then we halfway thru, me and yas got off to take a cab
was 1hr early for tuition.

tuition was...enjoyable...mariana's really easy to talk to, abt anything.
I confided her in what to do abt somestuff, her advice really worked.
and she asked me for some advice too. she real nice, I'm glad she's my tutor.
then she promised not to tell my mum anything I tell her in future also.
I LOVE HER!!!

okok, so...
sry cm for not letting u have some of my cassava chips, my teacher was coming.
sry yas and nazmi, I wish I could help more. but I'm not in the position to do so.
sry andrew, for what I did and said to u last time.
thankyou andrew and mariana, for lending me an imaginary shoulder, to imaginarily cry on.
thankyou mariana, for trusting me, and letting me trust you
thankyou andrew, for everything you've ever done as my brother.

3srys, and 3thankyous.

2009-03-24T21:33:00.002+08:00

all I can say is, it's fun to chase the girls or sneak up on them while wearing my rollerblades, just to make them scream. esp sherlyn. we havent changed since pri sch. in TKP last time I would always scare her, and she would always get scared.

oh, and its fun to see the guys attempt to trip me over while I'm rollerlading, and fail miserably. It's hard to trip me over fully without hurting urself. sure, I'll stumble, but I'm fairly coordinated on my blades now, esp since I joined inline hockey.

oh, and I guess I'm 1 of the more talkative girls now. WAIT...CORRECTION! I AM the most talkative girl now. In the class tht is. I got moved from sitting(from LtoR) between yas and jovian, to sitting between jovian and aaron, to sitting between jovian and wen cai, to sitting between wen cai and...I totally forgot who's on my right now. and all this happened in the span of...15 mins. I got moved one of the most...I think I tied with jovian. but mine wasnt the most drastic change, thank god. Jovian got shifted from back to front, benjamin from extreme right to extreme left. and damn, I can no longer sneak in and out of eng to go to the toilet anymore! tht was so fun! like mission impossible, with the help og Jing Yong standing guard at the door.

ahh, the joys of sch

2009-03-22T10:33:00.002+08:00

yo!!!

so yesterday I went out with nazmi and yasmeen.
actually, I wasnt supposed to come, or so nazmi thought.
we planned to sabotage nazmi, but the plan failed..he's too smart 4 us

so we started talking, blahblahblah, and I bought my 1st caramell frappe in like...FOREVER. and it was truly...yumyum. I finally understand why faustina loves it so much. now I like it even more than berry frappes and double chocolate frappe from mcafe(sry nazurah, the heart wants what the heart wants).

ok, so throughout the whole time tht we were in coffee bean, me and nazmi were 'bickering' constantly saying I hate u, I'm gonna get u, all tht crap. and yas actually would've believed it if not for us laughing. hehe. but I say I hate u to alotta ppl, yet I've nvr meant it, not once. if I truly hate someone, I wont use "I hate u". LOL. but honestly, I dun think I can ever outmatch nazmi...he's seriously too smart for me. *sigh*

ok, so we played truth or dare. for like...3/4 of the time. to the extent we lost track of time. but it was so fun...AND SCANDALOUS. although I'm not allowed to divuldge too much detail, I can proudly say tht I dared nazmi to apply lip gloss on his lips, and keep it on for the rest of the time tht he was with us. then I dared him to eat 5 big macs the next time we go out...hehe. I'm evil.
and tht's just the easy dares.

ok, then after nazmi had to leave, me and yasmeen went shopping. at bugis.
omg, finally another shopping partner who's fun to shop with. then we went into bugis street, where I intro-ed her to Catz Apparel. a freakin nice GLP(gothic lolita and punk) shop with really nice stuff, and even some mainstream stuff too. perfect even for someone who's not into GLP.

sadly, yas had to go home early, so our shoppin trip was cut short.
but it was still super fun.
WHOO~

2009-03-19T15:42:00.002+08:00

ok...I've been contemplating this for a while.
and I've finally decided.

I'm only gonna get gifts for 5 lucky ppl from this day onwards.

why?
well after much calculation...and tabulation...and justification...
my wallet, in the long run, can't handle it.
well, its pretty easy to guess who the 5 lucky ppl r.
just take a look at the 5 names with hearts next to them.

yes,
only those few.
everyone else, sorry, and thank you.
but gifts arent everything.
and if u dun wanna give me gifts, tht's fine too.
really...I dun usually care whether ppl get gifts for me or not.
but if u do I dun mind either. heehee.

ahh,
but plz dun take it personal if I dun give u a gift.
why be so materialistic?
really? this stuff wont come with u to the afterlife.
its the memories of ur friends, and the happiness tht these memories bring,
tht truly nvr leave us.

so yeah.

2009-03-17T17:32:00.003+08:00

I suddenly miss england like shit.
as well as Amy, Sonia and Joseph.

ok, Amy and Joseph r easy to stay in touch with cuz they're like my cousins.
but Sonia's a diff story.

we only spent 6mths in the same sch when we were 5, then I moved hse and thus, sch.
but we remained best friends right until I moved to sg.
and then I lost contact with the for like 7 yrs after tht.
then during the dec hols, we got back in touch thru facebook.

we've got a hella lotta stuff to catch up on, as some of u will see from my facebook wall.
so the 1st thing I'm gonna do when I get back to england is prob to hang out with her.
and I cant wait to pinch her lil sis, sophia's cheeks.

oh, same goes for Joseph, but I think when I get back he'll be too old for tht alr, both of them.
aww T.T

ahh, shit. wanna play in the snow.
sonia says she missed like 2wks(i think) of sch cuz of the snow. FRIGGIN AWESOME.

ahh well, sg's fantastic too!!!

2009-03-16T17:17:00.003+08:00

BOO!!!

I have tuition in 45mins T.T
I hate having tuition after any school related activities..especially netball!
I'll feel like slping and its damn rude to slp in guests faces.
what's worse is my mum paid valuable bucks to gimme the aid I so desperately requested.
so why must she be so stubborn and set my tuition merely a few hrs after my netball?

speaking of which, netball today was hell.
3rounds around the sch(the seto way) then circuit training all from 9-10.30.
then we had half court, 'D' and whatnot until 12.45.
a total of just under 4 hrs training. he's lost it.
Today's events instilled more evidence into me as to why EVERYONE hates him.
INCLUDING those whom he doesnt know personally.

2009-03-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

sry, kinda tired to upload pics. maybe tuesday when I have neither tuition NOR netball, both of which I'm gonna be spammed with for the rest of the week.

yst, I went out with mum and jude to parkway. abit of window shopping turned into tons of buying. my mum spent another lot on a bag tht's gonna give her more back probs sooner or later. they all do...when will she ever learn? oh, and I bought my 1st dress in like...7-8yrs. perfect for both casual and formal occassions. and under $40. a wonderful bargain if ask me.
then, we got my mm's photos developed and whatnot.

not mumch happened yst apart from tht.

then today, I went out with my other family. bro(Andrew), bro-in-law(Jordan) and sis(Cherie). Had lunch at suki sushi...I became "mental" in the words of Jordan. it was real fun! there was this one time I was just staring indecisively at the plates going pasting me on the conveyor belt and I actually got dizzy! like wtf... and the wasabi went up my nose and into my brain again for the umpteenth time...and to this day I' a totally oblivious as to why I still eat tht stuff.

ok, then we watched push..I ate churros, or long, hard stuff tht u put in ur mouth. as cherie, andrew and I call it since tht fateful outing to the very same place during the dec hols. ahh, gd times.

after tht we had no idea how to kill time b4 we parted ways so we just followed one another aimlessly, until it began to rain. -.- and we kept walking in and out of diff shopping centres.
1st was taka and cherie told me, cuz of the many designer stuff sold there, to walk in, say "this is sooo not to my liking" in a very loud rich snobbish tone, and walk out. Of course, since I'm actually sane I didnt. instead we just continued walking.

and we ended up in tampines macs, slacking. of course we didnt get there purely from walking( facepalms for all who thought tht) but we took mrt.
when cherie and jordan left I was trying to influence andrew into fashion using seventeen magazine...It was highly unsuccessful.

oh, and for the whole day I've been addictied to a CERTAIN SOMEONE'S I touch and its games. Thus the main reason I was so hyper from start to end. who knew an Itouch could bring so much joy to one individual.

anyways, later I met mum, jude and hafiz and watched "race to witch mountain". if u ask me, it was utterly boring. not for my age group its worse than zathura, although they appeared to have hired the same CGI crew and whatnot. but still, it sux, big time

2009-03-09T22:42:00.002+08:00

jovian!!!

aww...yes-man and his wife

a failed attempt with tiara >.<

there's a hole in sherlyn's face! *gasps*(the sun u idiot)

joelle!!!

kayak team 4... me, ying zheng and Kor Jian

yes man!!!

sheik-sheik-a-sheik-sheik-a-sheik-JOHN.

3G instructors sheik and john

group 13 instructor...JOHN

only half of the pics ppl!!!

stay tuned for more.

2009-03-08T19:51:00.003+08:00

haiz...I needa get my life sorted or else I'll eventually run outta ppl to talk to.
and I think I'll upload the camp photos some other time.
not in the mood now

2009-03-07T22:01:00.003+08:00

yo, so this shall be part 2/3 of me blogging abt the recent sec 3 camp in kota tinggi.
and this shall be the one with more detail. the pics will come in the next post, since my cam is currently charging.

prep
went to giant with delert to shop for stuff to bring to camp, while I waited for kirara who was waiting for her bf tenma.

so we decided to just window shop at many places like topshop and 77th street, where I found some nice cheap fedoras.
and then kirara and tenma came and we went into giant to shop for many stuff including fbts.
I actually wanted to get a plate tht I saw in isetan, cuz I have not one plastic plate at home, but I decided to look in giant for a cheaper one 1st.
then, when we couldnt find one, we decided to go back to isetan.
ends up it was closed -.-...and SIX BLOODY PM =.=
so I looked even harder in giant...found a cheap one.
queue was suddenly super long when like 5 mins ago it was bloody short.
so I queued up in 1 lane, while tenma, kirara and delbert queued in the other lane...and theirs was becoming super fast. so I switched to their lane.
and the lane I was previously in became faster than the one I shifted to...total and utter 0% luck.

day 1

camp day arrived....WHOO~
was in group 13 with instructor JOHN...super lame and funny.
called me bacon throughout the camp cuz my surname is bacon...he thought it was interesting.
we did some navigation activity, team-bonding activities and water games(splash bang, coconut tree and wacko) for all of them the forfeit was getting splashed with water. and I was sitting on the edge of the swimming pool so I woul'dve fallen in at any point, lucky I didnt.
and in the navigation activity, there was this giant puddle of muddy water. and my group kept sabo-ing everyone, making each other wet.

1 time all the guys in my group, including instructor john, ganged up on me to pull me in the water.
another time I was just inches behind jinyong and he jump, causing me to be covered in mud waist down...but its all cool.

oh, and the 3G girls, aka my roomates, drew lots for the shower. I got #8 out of 10. but tht just means tht I dun need to rush as much.
I also slept on the floor for all 3 nights...toether with sherlyn, yasmeen and tiara.

day 2

our expedition up pelapah waterfall.
was fun. except for the fact tht I initially wanted to wear my black tank top, but the teachers didnt allow it. HAIZ...
overall the expedition was fun, it was abt a 2km trek to checkpoint 1 and I think another 3km or more for the rest of the checkpoints. the most tiring and painful of all the activities. I got a big blister on the back of my ankle tht got worse each day. when I got back from camp, it happened to have soaked my sock in blood. strangely, I didnt feel a thing.

at night we had a lecture on basic first aid, then we had a night rescue.
our instructor was the best at acting...and the only one tht didnt need a stretcher.
if u ask me, it would've been easier with a stretcher, but there were only 3 for 4 casualties.
and our group was so stupid. originally, we used a stretcher. then the camp chief came up to us and said "he has a broken arm, not a broken leg. do u think he can walk?".
it was really retarded of us. and his level of responsiveness went from A4(the best), to U(unconcious) so we were like...the worst of all the 4 groups.

day 3

had our 3km kayak down johor river.
the most fun activity. and much less tiring and pain-staking than the mt pelapah expedition.
I was in kaya group 4 with yingzheng and kor jian. both and ppl. so our sense of timing, I must say, was pretty good. we were quite loud as well. cuz most groups either quietly said "left, right". while me and ying zheng were like chanting "left 2 3, right 2 3" and everyone including the instructors were staring at us...but who cares. our teacher praised us later for our teamwork.
although I got hit in the head by bth my teammates, mostly by yz. but it didnt really hurt.

later tht night we had our campfire with the sec 2s at sec 2 base.
it was more tricked out than last yr, with more tech. it became like a real disco and me, delbert and yas couldnt stop dancing. especially yas. everyone was joking tht she was high on drugs.

later tht night my arms cramped up real bad and I wanted to borrow muscle relaxants from tsl but then the instructors didnt allow me. so it was reall hard to pack my bags

day 4

the last day of camp.
my whole bunk woke up late so we rushed to pack our stuff and get downstairs.
turns out we were the 1st few except for 4 guys from 3H. so cool.
so we took pics 1st.

later tsl told us the good and bad points of our class.
gd points...we were really bonded, cooperative, organised, creative and well-behaved. especially the human chain we made to load and unload the kayaking equippment, our class cheer, and joining the tables during mealtime. the only class who did it and it made us the fastest class.

the bad points...we made our class tee behind her back.
but she forgave us as long as we promise nvr to do anything behind her back again.

later, I went to macs with andrew.
caught up with alotta stuff.

then went back and tht was when I realised my sock had been bloodied by my blister.
oh, and this is the 1st time I didnt fall asleep immediately after coming back from camp. infact, I didnt slp till 10pm. and woke up at 9 today...pretty good if u ask me.

my reflection

It was one unique experience for me.
who knew so much could happen in such a short span of time.

bonds were formed, and ties broken.
there were good times and bad.
there were ups and downs.

overall, there was unity, cooperation, enthusiasm and optimism.
and despite the conflicts tht occured,
there were resolutions made, and fulfilled.

yes, I'm talking at the ones I made.
I stepped outta my hse and all my troubles went.
and they havent come back so far.
I've come back a happier person.
and tht was my goal from the start

and here I am, at the com, blogging abt it all.
sadly there wont be pics until at least tmr.
ok, nazmi want to see this post so I better end it off here

until next time...

2009-03-06T19:06:00.002+08:00

yoz, I'm back from camp.

Kinda lazy to blog in full detail now.
but, I'd just like to let u know, especially those who were supposed to go but chose not to, it was so darn super duper bloody fun, then most fun camo EVER!

It was so fun that this is the 1st camp where I DIDNT fall aslp as soon as I got home.
and I dont feel like falling aslp.
I'm still so hyper from all the activities, jokes, camwhoring etc.
and despite the fact tht I'm covered in bruises, bites, cuts, blisters and sore muscles from when they randomly cramped up...I'm still pumped up for more and budding for a chance to stay there forever! I really don't mind.

2009-03-01T19:46:00.003+08:00

u know what?
I'm learning to enjoy the effect of bottling up my feelings...
learning to live with it...
to live with the pain...
the suffering...

u say I'm a burdent to everyone.
fine.
I'll take ur word.
but U'll have to wait.
till the bottle breaks and all the emotion is let loose...for good!

besides, I wont leave this planet so soon and abandon those most dear to me...
cherie, andrew, faustina, nazurah, kaori, jordan.
the ppl I can trust with anythin...tell anything to.
the ppl who know me inside out.
the ppl who've nvr judged me.
and the ppl who nvr will
not like YOU

For their sake, I'll let god break the bottle.
until then, a quote from andrew
"be careful not to pop the cork"

and as the invisible tears leak out...the pains refuses to moves.
now why cant they just learn to get along, and do things together.
_______________________

camp should be good for me.
gonna think of it as rehab.
yes, rehab as in drug rehab, alcohol rehab.
tht kinda rehab.
I can cut myself off from all of the bad stuff in the world for 4day,
during which, all tht matters is what's there and then, and the ppl around me.
although I do wish tht ppl of diff classes could slp together.
and ppl of diff sex can slp together.
although I wont disobey the rules, and I'm not wishing this for you-know-what.
but, u see, I'm not the kind who only has best friends of the same sex.
so yeah...

2009-02-28T21:27:00.002+08:00

yo peeps!

I'm back! From where? from spending ten hours w cherie.
1st I met her below my hse at 11.30 and we headed for bugis to go shopping.
and no, I didnt suggest it to her, she suggested it to me...my sis is all grown up...I'M SO PROUD!!!
yes, its time for u to be proud too...pop ur champagne ppl.
anyways...I threw away my old revlon eyeliner...the easiest EVER to apply, cuz it gt friggin screwed when I sharpened it...I dunno how either.
so this time I bought a dark purple eye liner from the face shop.
what is it with me and coloured eyeliners?
well, at least the smokey-eyed look can still be done with this one...although its not so smooth in applying.

ok, then we kinda got bored at bugis and decided to crash at cherie's house.
I just love raiding her collection of mags...it nvr gets old after the 2 yrs I've been going to her house.

oh! but 4 we headed to cherie's hse, we stalked andrew, who was at century square(thank god for living in tampines) then we had to get from bugis to century square in 30mins, we got there in 20. but he was alr rushing outta century square by tht time. and he said he was at the bus interchange. know, usually if ur escaping ppl, u take a bus which would be far away from the one they take...he was waiting for a bus in which u had to wait in the same place tht me and cherie had to wait. in the end we successfully stalked him.

NYAHAHAHAHA.

we also video called andrew and aaron while at her house...but aaron didnt pick up so he called us later...so fun. and cherie found Elbioni's name v funny while she was raiding my contacts.

then she said(and no offence to elbioni)
"if he was ______'s stead, then ______ wouldnt be able to stay serious. whenever he says the name he starts laughing."

then everything tht happened tht day she was like "its all elbioni's fault!!!"

after that, cherie's family treated me to dinner...so sweet!
thus I reached home at 9pm and was totally bloated.I took pics, but lazy to upload now.

2009-02-27T23:13:00.002+08:00

yay!!!

thx to Vivian, I finally found out what's been wrong with my slp patterns.
cuz tuesday night(i think), she suffered from sleep paralysis.
then she researched on it and found some related scientific names..which are posted on her blog.
so I decided to research them for my own benefit.
turns out I suffer from slp paralysis(SP)/hypnagonia(H)/(N)narcoplexia(sp?)

they're all interlinked or related in some way or another...so I'd prefer to consider it one thing(putting it as 3 just makes me sound more unlucky than I alr am...and very disturbed).

so lets break it down
-the feeling of suffocation, and the room spinning.(SP&H)
-the feeling of frequent daytime drowsiness(N)
-amnesia of events b4 u fell aslp(H)

yes, Im suffering from all of this
and one of the possible causes is depression. no surprises there.
been suspecting tht I suffer from depression for quite some time.
1st was p3/p4. then I lost my belief in tht until last yr.

and b4 I told andrew tht, he also said the only cure is anti-depressants.
ahh, damn.
oh well.
at least I wont have to worry abt getting to as extreme as night terror

2009-02-20T23:21:00.003+08:00

yayeh!!!

rmb my previous post, I told u tht I auditioned for the role of sports presenter for the youth olympic games? well, guess what...

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I, honest to god, can't believe I made it.

even after what mark richman said to me...I still can't.

but I did.

mariam also made it thru...

I'M SO PROUD OF U GIRL!

u really made the judges believe tht shoppin should become an olympic sport

oh, and he cheated my feelings...

said he will call me with more details abt the video shoot(separate from YOG).

in the end he didnt call and it was supposed to be today =.= WTV.

I'm so happy!

1st person I called was cherie and the second she picked up the phone I screamed over and over again "I MADE IT!!!". then she didn't know what was going on and was like "huh?!". LOL. but when she found out she was super happy too.

2nd person was my mum, 3rd was andrew. he was like

A: u better not pangseh us when u become famous

S: of course not! unless I find better friends than u all.

A: wth!

S: jkjk! relax!!!

but really. its hard finding better friends than cherie, andrew, nazurah and basically all those in my "u leave me speechless" list. thts basically why the title is like that =.=

ok, so anw, I recently realised tht I'm becoming super random and lame.

influence from cherie? jovian? derick? ethel? faiz?

lol, to many random and lame ppl in my life alr....haiz.

today during chem, the tan seow lan asked us to recite the nucleon no. proton no. number of protons, electrons and nucleons, all tht shit...and I started laughing like shit...for no aparent(sp?) reason. then tan seow lan started giving me a creeped out look, and tiara began laughing...chain reaction, and possibly...chemical reaction? ok, lameness again...SEE.

but both me and tiara were super hyper today...esp tiara. so fun!

love her being my chem and phy partner.

oh, and I realised tht a left parting suits me more than my usual right parting(or vice versa, I dunno)...there's more attitude to it somehow.

haiz...and I hit jovian too muh alr...my A maths lecture notes r dented like shit...supposed to last me 2 yrs, then 1st term...not even an entire term...and its so badly dented...haiz

ok, cya folks!

then

2009-02-13T23:31:00.002+08:00

heyheyhey y'all!

so most of u prob we're too busy makin out with ur valentines to notice I didnt attend sch.
but it doesnt matter cuz ur happy, I'm happy. we're all happy.

so yeah, those of u tht alr know, shut up.
those of u tht dont, I attended a youth olympic games sports presentation camp/audition today.
my big break...

mark richmond, a very famous sports commentator/radio dj/radio show producer was in charge of the camp. he talked to us abt how to make a good impactful speech, and how to warm up b4 u speak. the tip were seriously really helpful! and how he related it to life was hilarious.
he's a really REALLY nice guy actually. I talked to him for abit and he asked me abt my sch routine and background and such...he was genuinely interested!

and then when it came to actually auditioning, he was the main judge, then when I had to go up...everything was perfect except 1 thing...my confidence. yes, I had very low confidence at tht moment in time...which is rare. but I think he saw tht it can be established in me.

I actually kept on wanting to redo my take, then on my third and final one, I managed to complete it, but it was bad, REAL BAD. then he said to me

"you're a beautiful girl and that's alr 50% of it in the bag. if I looked like tht at you're age I would be brimming with confidence, and you have a wounderful voice as well. *pauses* YES, that's the smile I want to see!".

and when I was going back to my seat to watch the others(yes we watch each others auditions...intimidating isnt it) he asked me, and I was the only one who got ask this...

"If I put you through now, will you promise to come next time with more confidence?"

and, of course, I promised I would.
then I could feel everyne just stunned at my luck!
it felt so awkward yet so cool.
and I was like the only one who...supposedly...got through like 5 secs after I auditined, and by personal request of mark richmond, when the actual order of it is tht a set of judges look at my audition tape afterwards and judge.
thus I dun really want to admit tht I have gotten thru alr...
maybe I havent...
or maybe Im just in shock/denial.

but whatever it is, I had fun and when I went up to thank mark at the end for his hospitality and the great experience, he asked me if I would like to shoot a corporate video with him either next wednesday or friday! I was so ecstatic!!!

so yeah, after tht I told my mum and faustina...the two ppl who were most eager to hear the results. haha. love them to bits!!!

oh, and I made some wonderful friends at the camp/auditions.
-rafeal
-ysabel
-amalina
-mariam
-vanessa

and so many more who's names I totally forgot...SRY GUYS!

2009-02-11T21:24:00.002+08:00

the world works in mysterious ways...

I thought it would be over for me,
as you stood up to listen closer.
I thought it would be different,
and our friendship would be over.

but it's not how I expected it,
you cushioned my heart,
as it fell to the ground,
then helped it back up again.

In my eyes your not,
the same as they see,
there's so much more...
I'd just like to let you know...

ok, random song writing...
ps. sry 3G for being so emo and ignoring those closer to me.
VERY long story

2009-02-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

yay,

Mr Theng is so nice!!!
He let me skip school for the camp on friday!
and he said he fully supports it!
it's so nice of him!
you know most teachers would be like "how could u disregard/jepordise your studies for a minor non-corricular activity", especially my form teacher =.=/

so yeah, if u dun see me in sch on friday...u know why...no questions asked. cuz I wont be answering them.

so anw, today we had our 2nd choices class...instructor zee being replaced by instructor zul T.T
but zul's still nice..although he was a freakin slacker as goalie in our team today...let one puck slide right past him. and I brought my skates for inline hockey for nothing...didnt even use them today..cheat my feelings T.T so I decided to ride them home after I got off the bus....not the best idea.

U see...when u have a rucksack/backpack as big as mine...it doesnt provide much mobility for ur butt and legs. thus they get really achy really fast.

moving on... cant wait for vday.
shall be going out with icy, yokey and sorrow....my beloved team vk team(xoxo).
haiz...dunno what to do with ____and my other plans as of now...haiz.

should I give up and give in to fate?
could this be divine intervention?
or is it just another test of time?

2009-02-06T19:44:00.002+08:00

yoyoyo...long time no blog.
had road run today...YAY.
yes, for once I actually enjoyed running!
*shocking*

at 1st I was damn enthu about joining road run when I 1st signed up.
the when the days drew nearer...my ethusiasm decreased bit by bit.
then when we were lining up today, me and naz, b4 the road run started,
I began to get really enthu..like reallyreally enthu.

1st 5 songs on my running playlist:

1)god knows - aya hirano
2)Its an adventure right(suzumiya haruhi opening)
3)7 things - miley cyrus
4)all I have - the veronicas
5)body breakdown - Dragonforce

but (5) is long, with alotta guitar solos so I didnt listen to many.
but surprisingly, all those songs u see up there, they're really fast paced songs, 7 things prob being the slowest.
haha, and (5) is heavy metal...even better.

in the end I got 39, naz got 38.
could've beat tiara..should've put in more effort..yes, my willpower wasnt at its fullest today.
but then last 100m me and naz saw the finishing line so we had a sprint race to the end.
later naz said tht we got photographed while running...WTH!
damn unglam my pose...frizzy hair...legs wide open...tsktsk.
oh, and me and nazwere smiling widely too cuz, well, its fun when u only compete with ur friend and urself. feels good.

I felt really accomplished when I found out I got 39...which isnt even my best....nowhere near.
felt good. and I need the feeling of accomplishment at a time like this.

ahh, then later I went home with naz and syafiqah, and ate at macs with naz, my treat.
we had the perfect comfort food...french fries dipped in mcflurry together with a double choc frappe drink from MCafe.

oh, and just now, when I reached home, my mum told me to get in with her "ur in serious trouble young lady" kinda voice. so naturally I was like "wth did I do wrong". cuz I really hadnt done anything wrong this time. u know what she wanted to talk to me abt?

whether I wanted my relative's old bedframe. =.=